Fix You
This is my new favorite song right now, by Colplay.
I was having a talk with my mom and dad yesterday. We went to a church out here which will henceforth be named Yuppie-ville Alliance. The worship was pretty good (piano player was off rhythm) The sermon had some good points (the preacher said "irrespective" four times - is that even a word?) and the atmosphere was generally friendly (I think some of the girls forgot to change their bar-clothes from the night before.) Will I ever be able to turn off this part of my brain that can't do the typical church anymore? It seemed like I could do nothing except shudder at the typicality of it all. Going to to Sol Cafe definitely changed my idea about what kind of church I want to be involved in, and how I want to approach my communal spiritual journey. This being said I still hold with the mantra that even the yuppiest of churches can still have a viable ministry to people who are looking for a certain style in a place of worship. They still care for the broken, still delve into his teachings to try and understand the mystery that is our God, still raise their voices to praise the creator even if they do it with the keys to their mercedes jingling in their pockets.
I crave to be a person who can worship my Father in any circumstance. Whether I am in a catholic mass or a christian rave. I just can't seem to shut off the cynical side of my brain that says "This could be so different!" I don't understand why all of the sudden I am so anti-church. It seems as though I don't fit anywhere anymore. I definately don't fit into the typical "Southgate welcome lunch" atmosphere, but I think if I went to a church that approached things similar to the open conversational style of Sol Cafe, I wouldn't fit there either, because it just wouldn't be Sol Cafe. I think I need to ask to be taught how to worship in any and all circumstances. Church is just another setting. It's not the foundation of my faith.
My dad and I got to talking about some of the ministry experience that he's had over the almost 30 years of being a pastor. He was reflecting upon the people that have crossed their path and ended up remarking "It's just a long line of broken people" to which I replied "aren't we all broken people?" he said "Every sinlge one".
And I can't help but think with the utmost sincerity how comforting that thought is.
I was having a talk with my mom and dad yesterday. We went to a church out here which will henceforth be named Yuppie-ville Alliance. The worship was pretty good (piano player was off rhythm) The sermon had some good points (the preacher said "irrespective" four times - is that even a word?) and the atmosphere was generally friendly (I think some of the girls forgot to change their bar-clothes from the night before.) Will I ever be able to turn off this part of my brain that can't do the typical church anymore? It seemed like I could do nothing except shudder at the typicality of it all. Going to to Sol Cafe definitely changed my idea about what kind of church I want to be involved in, and how I want to approach my communal spiritual journey. This being said I still hold with the mantra that even the yuppiest of churches can still have a viable ministry to people who are looking for a certain style in a place of worship. They still care for the broken, still delve into his teachings to try and understand the mystery that is our God, still raise their voices to praise the creator even if they do it with the keys to their mercedes jingling in their pockets.
I crave to be a person who can worship my Father in any circumstance. Whether I am in a catholic mass or a christian rave. I just can't seem to shut off the cynical side of my brain that says "This could be so different!" I don't understand why all of the sudden I am so anti-church. It seems as though I don't fit anywhere anymore. I definately don't fit into the typical "Southgate welcome lunch" atmosphere, but I think if I went to a church that approached things similar to the open conversational style of Sol Cafe, I wouldn't fit there either, because it just wouldn't be Sol Cafe. I think I need to ask to be taught how to worship in any and all circumstances. Church is just another setting. It's not the foundation of my faith.
My dad and I got to talking about some of the ministry experience that he's had over the almost 30 years of being a pastor. He was reflecting upon the people that have crossed their path and ended up remarking "It's just a long line of broken people" to which I replied "aren't we all broken people?" he said "Every sinlge one".
And I can't help but think with the utmost sincerity how comforting that thought is.
posted by Rach at 12:38 PM
6 Comments:
Maybe this is a question/conversation best taken off-blog, but why did you stop going to sol cafe?
Maybe stop hanging out with Amanda if you are concerned about being too cynical :-)
While your talking about songs, two lines I always love hearing are Evanesence's "don't try to fix me, I'm not broken" and U2's "I'm not broke but you can see the cracks" (no comments please if I'm paraphrasing). I guess I'm not comfortable with how often the word "broken" is thrown around, it's become generic like the word nice, it just encompasses so much and so many degrees depending on who you speak to. Yes we're imperfect, beaten, tired, have been broken in the past, but we're still standing, though not due to anything we've done. I have no idea where any of this is coming from, I didn't have my church fix this week. I'll stop now. Love you Rach.
Wow black riders, that's a question that I'm not sure if I'm ready to answer yet. And, please don't take offense, but I think I need to know who I'm talking to before I can answer your question with the amount of grace that I need. Also, I think it might be more of a face to face conversation than an e-answer. Let me think on that, and if you could let me know who you are, that would be great. You can also email me @ jazzhotshot@hotmail.com
Thanks
Oops, sorry Rachel, not meaning to be mysterious, to you or anyone else out there. It's Winston -- Black Riders is my design company and a frequent alter ego so I thought I was being obvious! I don't know how much that changes things, but I'll e-mail you as well. Reply when you're ready.
Hi, Rage.
We miss you. Have you died?
I think she has returned to the mother ship... j/k ;)
seriously though, where are you?
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