The Christian Catch Phrase
There has been a decided lack of blogging in our little blogring...have I unintentionally passed on the blogger's block to all my not-so-nearest and dearest? Oops.
Have been thinking a little bit about the phrase "relying on God" As many of you know, my whole spiritual journey has been turned upside down this year, causing me to re-think the phrases that I learned to say and believe without question.
"Surrender it to the Lord"
I know that I am out in B.C. by myself for a reason. I know that I need to find a place for Derek to live. Why there is so much attached to this decision I don't know. There is more than just a little vacation before Derek gets here. Finding a job, settling in, learning the city, deciding my future...
"Seek His direction."
Direction for what? My future? How to get to Starbucks? I really thought I was ready for this kind of change. I thought I had prepared myself for all that would come with this course of action. Of course I had not. I feel displaced in a way that I never imagined I would. I thought I knew enough about the city to be comfortable here. I thought I would keep myself busy trying to find a job, seeing the sights, setting up my space. I never thought I wouldn't want to do any of those things. I never thought I would shy away from adventure. And yet....
"Lean on the Lord, He'll pull you through"
Through what? I can't even classify what it is I'm going though - change overload? Derek withdrawal? Quarter life crisis? A wise man, who happens to be my father told me that loving God above everyone and everything else in your life has nothing to do with emotion, and everything to do with obedience. I take immense comfort in that. I know in my head that ultimately I have no choice but to do what God calls me to, unless I decide to completely turn my back, but my feelings can't seem to understand that pain is sometimes on the menu for that kind of lifestyle. I have a feeling that I am being strengthened through my weakness during this time, more than I even realize. I am finding out a lot about myself, and re-examining the Christian catch phrases.
"All in God's time."
That is not a comforting phrase to me anymore. It's an absolute (which is weird coming from someone reading about metaphysics and experiential knowledge). If I'm praying for God to direct my life, and it's not in His timing for me to be somewhere or do something, then only by contradicting His timing will that thing happen, and that's not where I should ultimately be. Therefore if I say I want what God wants for me, then I have no choice but to respect His timing. Even if it doesn't seem to work out the way I wish it would, if I choose to obey that, I demonstrate that my obedience has mastery over my desires. If only I could get my desires to fall in line with that, and yet, that's part of the struggle right?
Human nature vs. Divine timing - Friday night fight at the MGM Grand!
Anyway, I know that there's more to be learned out here, but the purpose of it all is clouded by my conflicting feelings of loneliness, excitement, and intense missing of Derek. And somehow, thinking of the people who have it way worse than me, and trust me - there's many - isn't helping. But for that discussion, go back to posts about selfishness. Maybe that's what I need to learn.
Anyway, the weather is gorgeous, I got to hear my dad's jazz band play and talk to all the really nice graduate students at Trinity today, and I made plans with Fred tomorrow. Also, I have an appointment to see an apartment on Monday for Derek, and will hopefully make a couple more before the weekend is up. Also my mom bought me "Lemony Snicketts - A Series of Unfortunate Events" on DVD and I got Derek "The Aviator" for a wicked price! Ok, well that's al the bloggy goodness for tonight.
P.S. Am starving for friendly news from Edmonton, please feel free to blog at will! (You know - like "fire at will" from Star Trek? Ya know... like when Captain Picard says "fire at will"...and then they all do? With the torpedos and all that jazz? See what I did there - with the play on words? C'mon! I made a joke...it's funny....awww forget it.
Have been thinking a little bit about the phrase "relying on God" As many of you know, my whole spiritual journey has been turned upside down this year, causing me to re-think the phrases that I learned to say and believe without question.
"Surrender it to the Lord"
I know that I am out in B.C. by myself for a reason. I know that I need to find a place for Derek to live. Why there is so much attached to this decision I don't know. There is more than just a little vacation before Derek gets here. Finding a job, settling in, learning the city, deciding my future...
"Seek His direction."
Direction for what? My future? How to get to Starbucks? I really thought I was ready for this kind of change. I thought I had prepared myself for all that would come with this course of action. Of course I had not. I feel displaced in a way that I never imagined I would. I thought I knew enough about the city to be comfortable here. I thought I would keep myself busy trying to find a job, seeing the sights, setting up my space. I never thought I wouldn't want to do any of those things. I never thought I would shy away from adventure. And yet....
"Lean on the Lord, He'll pull you through"
Through what? I can't even classify what it is I'm going though - change overload? Derek withdrawal? Quarter life crisis? A wise man, who happens to be my father told me that loving God above everyone and everything else in your life has nothing to do with emotion, and everything to do with obedience. I take immense comfort in that. I know in my head that ultimately I have no choice but to do what God calls me to, unless I decide to completely turn my back, but my feelings can't seem to understand that pain is sometimes on the menu for that kind of lifestyle. I have a feeling that I am being strengthened through my weakness during this time, more than I even realize. I am finding out a lot about myself, and re-examining the Christian catch phrases.
"All in God's time."
That is not a comforting phrase to me anymore. It's an absolute (which is weird coming from someone reading about metaphysics and experiential knowledge). If I'm praying for God to direct my life, and it's not in His timing for me to be somewhere or do something, then only by contradicting His timing will that thing happen, and that's not where I should ultimately be. Therefore if I say I want what God wants for me, then I have no choice but to respect His timing. Even if it doesn't seem to work out the way I wish it would, if I choose to obey that, I demonstrate that my obedience has mastery over my desires. If only I could get my desires to fall in line with that, and yet, that's part of the struggle right?
Human nature vs. Divine timing - Friday night fight at the MGM Grand!
Anyway, I know that there's more to be learned out here, but the purpose of it all is clouded by my conflicting feelings of loneliness, excitement, and intense missing of Derek. And somehow, thinking of the people who have it way worse than me, and trust me - there's many - isn't helping. But for that discussion, go back to posts about selfishness. Maybe that's what I need to learn.
Anyway, the weather is gorgeous, I got to hear my dad's jazz band play and talk to all the really nice graduate students at Trinity today, and I made plans with Fred tomorrow. Also, I have an appointment to see an apartment on Monday for Derek, and will hopefully make a couple more before the weekend is up. Also my mom bought me "Lemony Snicketts - A Series of Unfortunate Events" on DVD and I got Derek "The Aviator" for a wicked price! Ok, well that's al the bloggy goodness for tonight.
P.S. Am starving for friendly news from Edmonton, please feel free to blog at will! (You know - like "fire at will" from Star Trek? Ya know... like when Captain Picard says "fire at will"...and then they all do? With the torpedos and all that jazz? See what I did there - with the play on words? C'mon! I made a joke...it's funny....awww forget it.
posted by Rach at 9:39 PM
4 Comments:
Love you Rach! And don't worry, C. will get a smack upside the head if I see a "suck it up" comment or anything that resembles one. I know what you mean, you can only read those verses they tell you to so many times before they sound cliche. I have no words of wisdom but feel free to email me anytime you want to vent, or call, or email a number so I can call. The House phone gets hoked up this weedend. PS I will post today, I find I can only be bitchy once a week on line without serious mental fallback.
I always thought that was a funny line for Picard to use... you know, with his first officer being named Will Riker and all. I always pictured everyone turning around and firing their phasers at Riker!
Wow, Rach! You got your own plug for viagra on this one. What that says I don't know, but I don't want to risk any smacks.
Shameless! But I can't remember how to delete comments off of here. I couldn't figure out where to go.... half price viagra anyone?
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