REacting
This whole topic of acting in love has been swirling around our little blog ring lately, and I must say it has caused me some serious thought over the past few days about RE-acting as well. I am a very reactive person, as those of you who know me are well aware. I tend to spit out the first few words that come into my mouth with semi-reckless abandon, only to painfully analyze them later and realize that my words could have been construed as very hurtful, if taken in a certain context. I have been blessed, fortunately, with friends who seldom take my words to heart in a critical fashion, and love me anyways, even when they do. However this new emphasis on REACTING has created a new pensiveness, resulting in a delayed response time, and it may be a good thing.
There have been a number of comments posted (albeit, not on my personal blog) that have evoked a powerful desire in me to respond quickly and abrasively, to back up a point, or a friend's point. And yet something has stopped me. Generally I try to write a short concise response to someone who gets my back up, to make them think about what they have said in a different context, with an ultimately higher perspective (sarcasm alert). Usually these short and concise responses are full of biting sarcasm, pious advice, or at the very least sharp meaning. This is what I've been battling against.
This revelation was a process of discovery. The thing that got the ball rolling was that, in a haze of biting sarcasm-y goodness I found myself unwilling to sign my name on the bottom of my witty literary masterpiece. That immediately caused a pang of uncertainty about the quality of said comment. Why would I be unwilling to take responsibility for this beautific response? Was it because I wanted my statement to be read by unbiaised eyes? (This would be the easiest thing to tell myself) No, something told me I wasn't 100% comfortable with what I was saying, or maybe how I was saying it. I realized that I wasn't ready to take the heat of the debate that had the potential to spring from my necessary point. I realized that I wasn't prepared to be hurt in the process of this potential conversation. I realized that I was not writing any of this with love at the front of my cerebrum, or my heart for that matter.
I know so far this sounds like a lot of emotional crap, but it really resonated with me that I had the power to start a volley of e-critisims, cleverly disguised as short concise responses, and I was afraid to use it.
In retrospect, though the motive behind my lack of comment was fear (of being held responsible, of being burned at the stake, of hurting someone) I was glad I didn't seize the opportunity and held my literary monster in check. When I stripped my comments to the bare bones, it was NOT a necessary perspective full of love, but an angry desire to prove someone wrong, spewed out of pure frustration at what I deemed to be unfair. How could I be so blind? How could I presume to understand the thread of our conversations on love when I was so eager to punch back? I would only be exacerbating the problem by doing that which angered me in the first place. Retaliation much? Smooth Rach.
I admit I have been agitated with blogging of late, as the intensity meter has skyrocketed, and I am waiting in dread for the day that a criticism shows up in comment form, coldly disguised as a short concise response to my ramblings, and I shall be reduced to tears over the unfairness of it all.... I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop this, as I have consented to share my thoughts in a public forum. However, I am deciding to try and comment with grace, and most importantly love, from now on. Aside from the occasional well timed e-joke (who can resist?) I will attempt to impliment the proverbial Golden Rule in my comments, and treat others with the respect and love that I crave in return. Good luck to me. I suppose I have my work cut out for me, attempting to tone down my literary genious (haha) but as a wise man always told me, "It's a tough job...but somebody's gotta do it!" Love you dad!
There have been a number of comments posted (albeit, not on my personal blog) that have evoked a powerful desire in me to respond quickly and abrasively, to back up a point, or a friend's point. And yet something has stopped me. Generally I try to write a short concise response to someone who gets my back up, to make them think about what they have said in a different context, with an ultimately higher perspective (sarcasm alert). Usually these short and concise responses are full of biting sarcasm, pious advice, or at the very least sharp meaning. This is what I've been battling against.
This revelation was a process of discovery. The thing that got the ball rolling was that, in a haze of biting sarcasm-y goodness I found myself unwilling to sign my name on the bottom of my witty literary masterpiece. That immediately caused a pang of uncertainty about the quality of said comment. Why would I be unwilling to take responsibility for this beautific response? Was it because I wanted my statement to be read by unbiaised eyes? (This would be the easiest thing to tell myself) No, something told me I wasn't 100% comfortable with what I was saying, or maybe how I was saying it. I realized that I wasn't ready to take the heat of the debate that had the potential to spring from my necessary point. I realized that I wasn't prepared to be hurt in the process of this potential conversation. I realized that I was not writing any of this with love at the front of my cerebrum, or my heart for that matter.
I know so far this sounds like a lot of emotional crap, but it really resonated with me that I had the power to start a volley of e-critisims, cleverly disguised as short concise responses, and I was afraid to use it.
In retrospect, though the motive behind my lack of comment was fear (of being held responsible, of being burned at the stake, of hurting someone) I was glad I didn't seize the opportunity and held my literary monster in check. When I stripped my comments to the bare bones, it was NOT a necessary perspective full of love, but an angry desire to prove someone wrong, spewed out of pure frustration at what I deemed to be unfair. How could I be so blind? How could I presume to understand the thread of our conversations on love when I was so eager to punch back? I would only be exacerbating the problem by doing that which angered me in the first place. Retaliation much? Smooth Rach.
I admit I have been agitated with blogging of late, as the intensity meter has skyrocketed, and I am waiting in dread for the day that a criticism shows up in comment form, coldly disguised as a short concise response to my ramblings, and I shall be reduced to tears over the unfairness of it all.... I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop this, as I have consented to share my thoughts in a public forum. However, I am deciding to try and comment with grace, and most importantly love, from now on. Aside from the occasional well timed e-joke (who can resist?) I will attempt to impliment the proverbial Golden Rule in my comments, and treat others with the respect and love that I crave in return. Good luck to me. I suppose I have my work cut out for me, attempting to tone down my literary genious (haha) but as a wise man always told me, "It's a tough job...but somebody's gotta do it!" Love you dad!
posted by Rach at 3:02 PM
1 Comments:
I think I might have an inkling of what you mean. The world of blog is a very hard place to have debate or deep conversation. It's hard to convey points with or without sarcasm, irony, etc. On the other hand it does allow us to formulate our thoughts more concisely and to ensure that what we want to say is what ends up on the page (screen). All this to say that posts about deep topics and potentially debatable points can be held to a higher standard, while at the same time they are not without the potential for misunderstanding. It's a tricky line.
I appreciate this post because it speaks to the other side of grace and love - that of the recipiant. It's just as difficult to love and give the benefit of the doubt in reaction as in proaction (if that's a word).
It is true that this is an open forum and I, for one, prefer critical comments over sunshine and butterflies and everyone patting each other on the back. At the same time we want to keep this a safe place for people to "spew", as you so eloquently put it on one comment. I hope you still feel free to post your great poems, thougths, and random, incoherent, redundantical, pedegogically...sorry, where am I?
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