Open Rage

Review "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"

2008-06-04T02:04:00.000-07:00

When three Hollywood heavyweights who are known to make things happen get together you can expect three things. Big box office revenues, excructiatingly large media hype, and a mediocre sequel. Indy had all three with a vengeance. When George Lucas is one of the three, you can also expect a little too much sci-fi where it doesn't belong. Let me disclaimer the following review by saying that the newest Indy installment will be on my DVD shelf immediately upon it's release, despite my beefs with the genre-mixology.

It was with warm fuzzies that the opening scenes of the Crystal Skull washed over me. I was pleased to be in Dr. Jones Jr's company once again. The aging Harrison only made Jones more appealing and experienced, albeit a bit more subdued. The movie built up the plot and suspense immediately, and drew the audience in. The film introduced some interesting new characters while bringing back the old favorites with a passably natural feel.

My main issue with the film was the introduction of all things alien. The film asked a lot of it's audience as it attempted to bridge the disconnect between the historical and the inter-dimensional. The cross breed of archeology mixed with alienology didn't sit well, as the archeology seemed to take a back seat in this particular case.

Spielberg's visual storytelling remains at it's peak, however, George Lucas' name is all over the CGI monkeys that dance their way across Shia LeBeouf's Tarzan act.

Despite a rather flat ending, and some less than appealing throwbacks to Jar Jar Binks, this film is worth the watch for anyone who is a fan of the Indiana Trilogy, or anyone keeping track of Mr. LeBeouf's sky-rocketing career. All in all, it lived up to my entertainment expectations, though I was secretly hoping to be blown away

Old Man Lips

2007-10-31T14:37:00.001-07:00

I bartend and wait tables as a day job. That being said, it goes without question that I have a truck load of stories about people and their social artardedness. Most of these I will save for another time and place, but this one is too good to be true. I have this one regular. For the purposes of this story we will call him "Calvin" which means bald (and yes, he pretty much is). He comes in almost every single day, same table, same lunch, exactly two cups of coffee and he will resort to shaking his cup at you if you do not bring it within a time length that he considers to be reasonable. All the girls dote on him because he seems a sweet older man, and he is a war vet, which is out of most of our sheltered Canadian realms of comprehension, but it still earns him brownie points for the sole fact that he was there, brave enough to do something that we can't fathom. Anyhow, I digress. Calvin, however, is a bit of a randy older gent. He has flat out told me that he's tipping me extra when I wear a lower-cut shirt at work, and has proceeded to make some strange reference to him "vibrating" when I come around (I didn't ask, I won't surmise, you are welcome). He also tends to let me know when a younger woman comes in that he thinks is sexy and makes no bones about what he would like to do with her, given the chance.

So each day, when Calvin comes in, I bring him his coffee and complimentary bread and he gives me a hug and kiss on the neck/cheek area. Not my favorite moment of the day, but hey, if that's all the action they guy can get who am I to deprive him of it? Lately, he tells me, he's been crocheting to pass the time. He tells me he's been working on a table cloth, and I mention I could use a scarf. So he finishes up his table cloth and sets to work on a scarf. Yesterday he brought it in. "Blue, like your eyes" he says, beaming with pride. He is so proud of himself. It really is a nice scarf. So I go to give him a hug of gratitude when he grabs my shoulders, purses his lips and kisses me. Dead center on the mouth. Wow. I mean, it's a beautiful scarf, but nothing will erase the memory of juicy old man lips. Perhaps it wouldn't be such a big deal if I viewed him a little more like I view my grandfather (whom, by the way, I DO NOT kiss on the lips) and a little less like a hormonal adolescent in a senior citizens body. Watch the movie "Venus" with Peter O'Toole and you will know exactly what I am talking about.

I still feel slightly violated, and am not sure how I'm going to approach the next morning's hug and kiss scenario. Let's hope he doesn't get any wacky ideas about a new approach. Make no doubt about it, if I wasn't concerned about his Osteo-arthritis, I would have slugged him like he was 25.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Heathen Speak

2007-10-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

My father and I recently had a long discussion about the effect that being a Pastor's Kid for the majority of my childhood has had on my perception of the church. It seemed he was concerned that my lack of interest in attending church at this particular time had to do with some latent repressed frustration that I was holding onto from my childhood or early adolescence. I humbly (or not so humbly) begged to differ, and tried to explain that my current disinterest in church has very little to do with the church itself, and a lot to do with the people in it. I include myself with this lot, just to be clear. I am attempting to define, of late, how to be involved in a setting where people are so often fake, hypocritical and lacking in almost all of the things they profess to have in abundance. Don't get me wrong, there are wonderful people in the church who imbue the very essence of what I think a person of faith should, but there are so many others who wear their faith on the outside, and then yell at their kids, kick their dog, have severe road rage, and worst of all DO NOT TIP THEIR SERVER'S at Sunday lunch. This is where the rub comes in.

I am crystal clear on the idea that no matter where you go in life, you are going to run into the bad seeds, the angry and the hurting and those who lash out at others. My problem occurs when this becomes an acceptable practice in the church and these people are not called out on their actions and continue to damage themselves and those around them, not to mention tainting the view of anyone who comes into contact with them and hears that they belong to "the church" and are still allowed to act the way they do without consequence.

I suppose I know deep in my heart that we are all responsible for our own actions, and ultimately will be judged on that, and that I don't have to answer for the person sitting next to me in the pew looking at dirty pictures on their cellphone during communion, however, I'm not sure I'm ready to jump on the bandwagon of church, where this continues to go on. How can we make a difference when the people working side-by-side with us are sabotaging our efforts on a daily basis?

And yet, I still feel the need to sustain my spiritual growth in some way, by talking and learning with others. is there a way I can have the best of both worlds? Is there a place that I can be honest and open about who I am and all of the bad things that I do, and learn how to overcome them? Is there a place where we don't have to keep the ugly a secret and where we can learn to deal with our issues so that even through our own growth we can make a difference? I just don't know yet.

Is Anybody Out There? (In Manner of Pink Floyd)

2007-10-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

Does anybody read this? I mean, clearly I do because I'm extremely self involved. However if I am writing only for myself there are several things I will cease to censor for the comfort of anyone who may be viewing.

Time to go plan for some Saturday Mantras.

Four Mantra's for Friday

2007-10-13T00:36:00.000-07:00

1. Will not spend precious time using expensive internet cellphone to check email and messages at work like a cyber-addict, will instead wait until home an can use less expensive laptop like normal person.

2. Will look for nice outfits to wear from expansive closet instead of going shopping after shift to find sexy new clothes to impress boyfriend, friends and population at large.

3. Will not even consider eating one of the restaurant's desserts, instead will eat whole wheat pasta and salad for lunch, with no snacks until dinner.

4. Will quit referring to self as "Workplace Grandmother" just because am at least 5 years older than 90% of staff.

GOOD PLAN!

Unsweet Dreams

2007-10-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

So imagine for a moment that you are being escorted by a plain-faced man with a surprisingly strong grip to a room. Once the man opens the door and thrusts you in the room, you start to feel a slight sense of panic. The walls are a decrepit mauve colour, and the room is very small. The man with the firm grip makes sure you are fully inside and leaves, closing the door behind him. As soon as he does so, the door disappears and you are in the room alone.
As you look around you see that the room is square shaped and not quite wide enough for you to spread out your arms without touching the hideous walls. You also notice, alarmingly, that there is not only no door but also no windows or ceiling vent. You are trapped.
As you stand there pondering your exit strategy your sense of panic is rapidly increasing. You touch the wall where the door disappeared moments ago but only feel it pushing back against your hand, cold, almost rubbery. You feel your way around each wall with the same sensation. You speak. "Hello?" but your voice sounds empty and far away. Now you're really beginning to freak out. You begin to kick at the walls. Nothing. They almost seem to indent and bounce back with each kick. You push the wall as far as you can. It makes a hand shaped imprint which immediately springs back when you remove your hand. This goes on for some time when the panic becomes overwhelming (did I mention you're claustrophobic to begin with?).
You begin to scream, at the top of your lungs, but with each new scream your voice becomes quieter and quieter until you cannot even hear yourself. You are trapped. There is no escape, no one to hear you, you cannot even hear yourself.

Then you wake up.

So this dream is the reason I couldn't sleep the other night. I think it's fairly obvious what it represents on a base level, but I'm wondering what specifically in my life would entreat such a nightmare to interrupt my usual fire-and-brimstone-cannot-wake-me routine. It took me a while to recover from this one, and I can still vividly feel what I felt in that room even though it was a few nights ago. Similar experiences?

Kinetic Energetic Worry

2007-10-09T00:13:00.000-07:00

Do you ever suspect that our emotions have more of a link to our physiological makeup than we realize? I have been contemplating the connection between worry and illness these past few weeks. I have begun the ever-uplifting search for a new job. With each interview I go on, comes the stress of deciding which job will be better, financially, emotionally and in terms of time constraints. Then I have to consider how to make the transition. Will I make enough money during training to sustain my financial needs? Will I be able to establish good working relationships with my peers and bosses? Is this even what I'm supposed to be doing?

On top of that, Derek and I have been doing projects on top of projects in order to make extra money and gain experience in our field. Each of these comes it's own limited-edition deadline, and crap load of work, planning, and the occasional (I use this term lightly) technical problem.

Add onto that attempting to pay off student loans and save for Christmas presents, and a possible trip to Edmonton over the holidays and you have pretty much the three main courses on my menu of worry. This is not to say that I don't have things to be thankful for, or that I am not managing quite well, but sometimes I get to wondering; When we don't feel our worry creep up on us, can it manifest in other ways?

I've known plenty of people who can't sleep when they're stressed, others who get sick to their stomachs, and some who just get so run down that they get ill each time. It just makes me wonder how many of our physical ailments are connected to our emotional state. Obviously this question has been asked by many before me, or we wouldn't be blessed with expressions of "don't worry yourself sick", however I am just curious if this question goes further than I have considered in the past. Perhaps I'm proposing that if we lived in a worry free Garden-of-Eden (pre-serpent of course) stasis, keeping our stresses to a minimal, perhaps we would never have to deal with illness?

Perhaps it isn't aspartame that causes cancer, but worrying that aspartame may be causing cancer that causes cancer? Maybe it isn't the fact that we aren't sleeping that gives us the cold, but worrying about the fact that we aren't sleeping that causes us to contract it? Clearly I don't even subscribe to this theory, or have any idea what I'm even talking about, but it is interesting to think about the amount of energy we are putting into worrying, and where that energy may be coming from.

Anyhow, now I'm rambling. I think I'm going to go worry about dyeing my hair to cover up the fact that I have more grey hairs than any twenty-four year old should ever have to admit to.

Side of Baby Kittens...

2007-10-06T01:37:00.000-07:00

Speaking of baby kittens (and in a veiled attempt to honour my previous promise) my joint-custody cat, of which I am the cool dad that takes her to the movies on the weekend, has gone and got herself knocked up. We recently adopted her off of Craigslist and were told she was just under a year old and had been found outside. We took her in and got her settled and took her to the vet to get her shots updated and make an appointment to satiate Bob Barker's incessant Price is Right tag-line. At this point we were informed that she has at least two kittens on the way, and a good chance for more.

What I am attempting to get at is that we will soon have kittens who need homes. I am not able to keep one at my place for longer than a weekend, and the two mommies already have two cats that can barely co-exist with each other. So if you would like a kitten, please let me know. If I get more interest than I anticipate I will happily accept bribes in the form of cold hard cash, movie passes, or season's tickets to the Oilers (I know, I know). I would prefer to find homes independent from the SPCA if possible.

*SIDE NOTE*

If you are planning to go out to a restuarant in the next decade, do me this small courtesy and allow your server to finish greeting you in whatever fashion their establishment demands before you blurt out your drink order without so much as a hello. We understand you are thirsty, but social niceties do still apply. Just remember, spit may be tasteless but it is still ooky. You may hold the tip, but we hold the power. Evil Laugh.

Ok, I feel better.

Authenticity

2007-10-04T02:10:00.000-07:00

I have one request. (Well, truthfully I have many, but you can breathe a sigh of relief as I am only going to deal with this post.) Whatever you do, please, be real with me. There is nothing less appealing than a half truth, or a non-truth. Now, I understand that social niceties demand a certain level of holding back in order to get along in our world of euphemisms and innuendos, however, once you have passed the point of 'second cup of coffee' it is time to drop the act and tell the truth.

How can a person be expected to give valuable advice when they are only going off a half truth? Please don't insult my intelligence by holding back a crucial piece of information until after advice is given, and then following said advice with "well, actually, I should tell you the whole story". I find that the reason people give a half truth is because they are afraid of what you might say to the full truth, and most of the time this fear is justified, however, if this is the case then don't bring it up at all. If you are going to tell me half the story then grow a pair and tell me the whole thing, or keep your mouth shut. I don't have time for this. I also don't have time to get to know you part way. I want all or nothing. Perhaps this is a lot to ask, but I didn't sign up for your secret society so give me some credit and give in, show me your inner beast. The worst I'm going to say is "Ew".

So now I've read over this, and it sounds a little scarier and a bit less gentle than I usually like to be, but I need to rage a little on occasion. So thanks for listening. Sunshine and rainbows with a side of baby kittens in the next post, I promise.

Weather Writing.

2007-06-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

Sitting outside in my doorway in the rain is slightly more inspirational, albeit chilly, than I thought it would be. Perhaps more for melancholy or melodramatic writing, but writing just the same. Just thought I'd let you know.

Regaining My Humour

2007-06-18T22:16:00.000-07:00

I won't lie and say that the past few months have been easy for me, so for the last week I have been turning back to an old friend for some help through the Emo moments. Comedy, Comedy, how I thee, let me count the ways. I've recently been editing some comedy sketches for a friend and it has inspired me to do some "research". Derek and I rented SNL's Best of Jimmy Fallon and Mike Myers, and I have been is stitches re-watching these brilliant mixes of writing and talented comedians.

When I was just out of high school, a group of us used to watch Saturday Night Live religiously every week. Going back to it I didn't realize how much I missed it, and how much laughing is a necessary outlet. Don't get me wrong, obviously I've still had South Park (for which I blame Derek!), but now that I've been studying up, I can't help but have a bit more respect for shows that consistently roll out the laughs.

There is something remarkable about those who are born with the gift of "funny". It takes a a lot more work then we you would think to turn a natural adeptness at humour into a character that is not only relatable, but situationally funny. The expression that I've heard tossed around is "Writing comedy is a bitch". Obviously I don't struggle with the bitch part (haha) but when it comes to the funny I only hope that I have something to bring to the table.

Master Re-Creator

2007-06-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

Last night Derek and I watched King Arthur, one of the many Jerry Bruckheimer creations. Or should I say re-creations. Though this was my first viewing of this particular movie I had this sneaky sensation throughout that I had seen it all before. This got me to thinking that perhaps some blockbuster movies are not all that different from major pop songs. Just a different take on another man's genius. The big name record industry producers get paid top dollar to recreate the next Avril Lavigne song, which, if you play it over the first is almost indistinguishable. Perhaps Jerry draws his inspiration from that?

Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are no original ideas. But that shouldn't stop you from creating original dialogue, or characters, or even progression of scenes. I just couldn't help thinking of Braveheart during this movie. Except in this one it was British knights screaming "RAAAAAAAAAA" instead of Mel and his cohorts calling for Freedom. Clearly I didn't mind since one of those knights happened to be Clive Owen playing a very rugged and commanding King Arthur...but I didn't have the same emotional attachment that I did the first time I watched one of these movies.

Obviously Jerry is no slouch, and manages to create some spectacular visuals and always seems to secure a top budget, but it is clear that originality, or even a valid attempt at such is not his top priority.

Blockbusters away!

Whether You Like It or Not

2007-06-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, anyone who jumped out of bed this morning and said "today is a beautiful day to spend $600 on my car" raise your hand. No? Funny, me neither, but that didn't stop it from happening. Nor did it stop the mechanic from calling after the majority of work had been done to advise me that the engine is on its last legs (or its last cylinders, to be precise) and that I shouldn't pour much more money into it. Great timing, really, thank you. But it happened.

You know what else is happening? We're getting older! And so are our movies. Derek and I watched American Pie after class tonight. I was looking at the clothes they were wearing and the computers they were using, and I couldn't help but think, WOW this is old. Which coincidentally enough led me to the conclusion, WOW, I'm getting old. When does the poster movie for your generation become the new generations "Ew, that was SO late-90's!" We all think that a movie as coming-of-age as this will never go out of style, but I think it does. At least in terms of fashion sense, technology, and even color and quality. Granted it was no Titanic in terms of budget, however it was also obvious that they didn't have the same sense of style that we use in today's teen-comedic-romances. The whites of the actors eyes were really shiny, as were their foreheads. The colors were really saturated and dark. It seemed very...yesterday. And yet watching it, I still laughed as much as I did the first time.

I suppose I'm not coming to any conclusions except to acknowledge the scary fact that my teen-movie will eventually become The Breakfast Club to a new generation, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Getting older sucks.

It Is Not Fair!

2007-06-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, Petulant hormonal teenager? Not quite. I was thinking today as I was watching Grey's Anatomy obsessively (if not compulsively) that the tactics they are using to hook me (and hook me they have) are a bit unfair. Obviously I realize that this is the entertainment industry and that the word fair holds about as much merit as Paris Hilton's "medical condition" (I know, I know).

Seriously though, they take you into this hospital and throw you into a situation where any number of tumors are affecting no name actors that begin to look surprisingly like your loved ones. So they get you all emotional, trying to decide whether your father needs the surgery to stop the anyeurism (how the heck do you spell that) or whether he should just live out his life in peace, and then, THEN they throw on you the personal problems of the people who are trying to save your father's life. This just isn't fair. My mind makes a natural equation between the life and death situation of the patient and the non-life and death relationship between the intern and her boyfriend/boss. It amps up the stakes, and I equate that. That way, even if the patient lives, if the relationship dies I am devastated.

In a way I suppose it is brilliant, but it also seems a little cheap. Don't get me wrong, if this was my show I would use any tactic I could to keep people watching but there are only so many brain tumors (not to mention breakups) that I can take before my spirit is inoperable. Broken. Also, I don't mind a good'n'tearful episode that makes me cry on occasion. Occasion being the key word, however, lately it's been every other episode. Perhaps this is dulled when you watch it week by week on the cable circuits, but I am on overload watching it on DVD. I need a break. Any recommendations?

Knocked Up...the movie

2007-06-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

So as an addendum to my post yesterday, Derek and I saw "Knocked Up" tonight. Having heard from several reliable sources that it wouldn't dissapoint, I was not let down. The only things that I didn't appreciate was the overuse of some language. Though I suppose it was realistic, sometimes I find excessive use distracting from the forward motion of a given scene.

I have to give them credit for acknowledging the failure of both members of the couple on more than one occasion, which is refreshing because most romantic comedies focus on the shortcomings of only one side, and either play the "Women are crazy, hormonal, and will never be understood" or the "Men are scum, dogs, and women should rule supreme" cards. Both of which trigger my vomit reflex.

I also appreciate the humour with which they approached the situation, and they were incredibly honest regarding some of the issues that cause problems, without turning off the younger viewer. After seeing this I can't say I am looking forward to the "crowning moment" of giving birth, this movie is definitely not for the faint of heart (or the abstainers of the occassional gutter laugh).

Either way, it will turn up on my DVD shelf in the future.

Return.

2007-06-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

So I was offered a subtle hint that I should begin blogging again...and by subtle I mean direct, and by hint I mean blatant remark. Therefore, since I'm a total conformist (if you jump, I'll jump) I decided I'd better get on that. I suppose it's not that I have nothing to say, and it's most DEFINITELY not that I've been deferring to Facebook...right. I just feel uninteresting. I love writing my thoughts - I think they're interesting but I have a strong inkling that if I was anyone other than myself I would be uninterested and probably in a state of dislike towards myself. Anyhow, I digress.
So this return to blogging entry, what should it consist of I wonder? I suppose I could discuss the five weeks Derek recently spent exiled in Edmonton, or the addition to our circle of existence the BEAUTIFUL new vehicle that is our new Dodge Caliber, but I seem to have just done that. And that is about all the rehashing I can stomach at this point.

Therefore I will ease back into the blogosphere with a discussion of media, the OTHER love of my life. Here's what I've been taking in lately.

Music: With Derek gone for so long, my recent selections have been decidedly Emo.

"Some Surprise" Reindeer Section feat. Gary Lightbody and Lisa Hannigan
"Samson" Regina Spektor
"My Number" Tegan and Sara
"4:35 AM" Gemma Hayes
"One More Night (Your Ex-Lover Remains Dead)" The Stars
"Jezebel" Iron and Wine
"Sometimes (I Wish)" City and Colour
"Doctor Blind" Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton
"Blankest Year" Nada Surf

Television:

"Grey's Anatomy" Not necessarily because it's the best written show I've ever witnessed, but the girl in me became intrinsically attached to the characters and their general happiness within the first episode, and you have to at least give credit for that, non?

"Veronica Mars" This one enticed me right away, though I was more impressed with the beginning of Season 1 than the end. I am happy to have seen it, and will likely continue with the second season once I decide to spend the money on the DVD's.

Movies:

The Queen:
Gets top rating, I was pleasantly surprised by this one, definitely worth the watch.

The Illlusionist:

The Prestige:
I am curious to hear which one of these you all preferred, I was much more drawn in by "The Illusionist" though I think it's a personality thing.

Pirates 3: BOOOO, except for Johnny Depp.

TO SEE:
-Knocked Up

Books:

"Wicked" by Gregory Maguire
I am almost finished this and I was thrilled with the read. I will be picking up his others in great anticipation!!

Graphic Novels/Comics:

"Y the Last Man" This one features art by a local Vancouver-ite. I've only gotten through the first trade, and am still a bit on the fence over the story. I think it has earned a second trade before judgement.

"Buffy: Season Eight" As a fan of the show, I am SO pleased with the consistency of the characters, it's as though I'm watching the show in my mind as I read, although I find my lack of experience with the medium of graphic novels is slowing my comprehension down somewhat.

That's about it for now. Happy Sunday to you all.

Caffeination Sensation

2007-02-03T13:42:00.000-08:00

I love coffee. I love that you can wake up WAY before you're body is ready, grab some caffeination and function like a semi-normal being! Who needs illegal substances when there's a Starbucks on every corner?

Although, judging by the boring nature of this blog entry caffeine clearly does nothing to enhance my intellegence.

Mmm...espresso.

Rage OUT.

I AM a writer, I swear!

2007-01-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

Today I am sitting in rainy Vancouver at The Bean. My script is due for writing class on Thursday and I'm not panicking...I'm NOT! Ok, well a little. But I must say this is the most ground work I've ever done for a script before, and I am feeling like a real writer. Though once I re-read the finished project I'm sure I will feel otherwise. We are workshopping our scripts in class on Thursday. A thought with slightly (or mortally) terrifies me. I have confidence in my writing, but not in front of a class of people who I barely know, save 3 or 4 people. Mostly I'm afraid they just won't get it, or that I will be the only one who gets it, essentially letting me know that I am not funny or interesting and therefore have no business as a writer.

Anyhow I suppose this feeling is marginal compared to the dread of going into a major pitch session so I'd better just get over myself and get used to it. Perhaps my negative-mindedness is due to the fact that I have felt like a freight train has rammed into my head right between the eyes for the past three days, and that is bringing down the mood, so to speak. Or maybe I am just turning EMO after all. Billy Talent here I come!

Education Frustration!!

2007-01-11T14:48:00.000-08:00

I am frustrated today. I seems as though our classes this week have mainly consisted of in-class homework. I don't really feel like I'm paying all this money to learn to do my homework. Not too mention that a vast majority of my classamtes (and possibly myself) seem overly antsy and need to blow off some steam. For some, however, this manifests as a kindergarten-esque reversion to bad classroom skills and unattractive behavoirs, especially when the average age of the class is approximately 23. For me, it just manifests in extreme emotions. Everything is hitting me incredibly funny, or extremely irritating, and there is no formula to predict which button you're going to push.

Either way, I am in my last class of the week and almost looking forward to being finished - an odd emotion for me, since I usually can't get enough. Anyhow, that is enough of my verbal chutney for the time being.

Peace

So...about my computer...

2007-01-05T23:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the immense generosity of my parents over this Christmas season, I am now ready to tell the story of my laptop. I had a beautiful, albiet slightly out-of-date Mac Powerbook, which encompassed at least half of my consious life, between school, email, writing, music, hobbies, etc. This computer has recently met a very unfortunate end, thanks to my own stupidity.

I'll give you three options, and you can decide what you think actually happened:

a) A hot beverage was spilled in a careless swipe of the arm.
b) I dropped it off the roof of the school after the 10th time it refused to print an assignment
c) I drove over it.

If you chose C you are the lucky winner...yeah, you heard me...I drove over it (unfortunately all I can offer as a prize is the old laptop, so if you won, you're not really any further ahead than you were before.) So, children, when you put your bag down beside your car to clear a few things out, be sure to pick it up again before you reverse...then go forward, and screech to a halt wondering what that strange sound was. Last time I offer to drive anyone to the skytrain!

To all those of you who are laughing right now....Karma is a cruel mistress so you just wait your turn! (when your Wii remote gets away from you and hits your friend in the face ;o) or you step on your watch, or you put a red sock in with all of your whites, I will be there to remind you of this very moment, face shining with glee)

Anyhow, water under the bridge (or laptop under the wheel) and now I have a BEAUTIFUL new laptop to call my very own (Thank you Mom and Dad!) So I am pacified. Thus endeth the legend of the laptop.

Happy Holidays!

2006-12-24T16:35:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas to everyone who is celebrating, and enjoy your time off to all those of you who aren't!!!

It is nice to have a bit of downtime from school, and slightly from work, though not as much as I'd like. People have been fairly generous with the tips this week, also with their consumption of alcohol, so I have been extra busy!! My new computer is doing beautifully, though I am still not quite ready to laugh at what killed the first one, the grief is still too new. Stay tuned for that story once time has healed all.

Also, I am writing a screenplay for school, and may need some editing help, anyone who is interested, leave me a comment and I will email you.

Lots of eggnogg-y goodness to all!

Mac Daddy of Apple Heaven!

2006-12-09T02:03:00.000-08:00

So I bought a brand spankin new laptop today!!! However, the reason behind this purchase was a set of extremely unfortunate events... but either way, I have a new MacBook, with the Intel chip, webcam, and dvd burner. best Christmas present ever - though eventually it will be from myself since I have to pay for it, but it is amazing!

Just in time to get going on another week of homework...lovin it!

Sorry so short, but it is 2:00 in the morning and I should be sleeping.....the mac is just too pretty for me to shut my eyes.

Grace 2, Army of [light?] Darkness 4687

2006-10-31T01:16:00.000-08:00

So I was at church yesterday (yes *gasp* I still do go). I always enjoy the worship, the band was excellent, and most of the sermon was interesting, and mentally stimulating. There was something, however, that I needed to talk a little bit about, what better place than my dumping grou...I mean blog.

The youth leader came up to the platform at one point and began to discuss the youth conference that most of their students had attended recently. She discussed the excellent growth, the willingness of the youth to lead, and the great time that they had at the conference. She then brought up a youth who shared a bit about what she had learned. Having been to many of these conference in my youth days, I know exactly the feeling they are coping with right now. Being injected with an influx of motivation and what we call a "spiritual high" and clinging desperately to what they learned, trying to reintegrate themselves with their newfound knowledge back into their old lives. This is all well and good, and not what I'm getting at actually. What I want to discuss came next. The youth leader proceeded to talk about how the youth are not only leaders for their peers, but warriors in their schools. About how they needed to be bold, and fight the good fight, be part of the army of the Lord, Soldiers on the front lines fighting against Satan. In this montage (everybody needs a montage, even Rocky had a montage) I noticed a not-so-subtle theme. War. Christians, just like George W., are constantly waging war. The references I heard to being an army were close to countless. The references I heard to love and grace from this same speech - 0. Grace did come up fleetingly later on in the service from someone else, but the war references continued.

Maybe I'm wrong, but to me the likelihood of a highschool teenager responding to a soldier for Jesus who is lobbying to be allowed to have a prayer group in their school, in order to fight Satan at lunch hour, is probably slim to nil. They would likely be responsive to someone who is willing to love them, talk to them without judgement, and listen to their problems. I don't know about you, but if someone is praying loudly on the street corner, I would prefer to cross the street. However, when someone is quietly submitting their time to comfort another who is having a bad day, or lending an ear and quietly reserving judgement, I am immediately drawn to them, wondering what it is about them that causes them to sacrifice, to lead by example. This is the kind of love I want to show. The kind of Grace I myself am attracted to. This is what we should be teaching our youth. The image of an army, soldiers on the front line, this is already everywhere, This is something we know. Why not spend our time on Love. The commandment that is second only to "Love the Lord your God"... But hey, maybe it's just me.

Writing - 97% Discipline, 3% Talent?

2006-10-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think that I have the three percent talent, but I'm uncertain whether I have the discipline of late. I want to write 5 pages per day....of course time is an issue, but mostly I just don't force myself to sit down and actually bang out 5 pages. My script, therefore is progressing oh-so-slowly.

If anyone has discipline and/or motivation tips, please impart your wisdom, I beg you!
First person to give me the best input on the following gets a bright shiny e-smile:

*What are your best procrastination rememdies (blogging is CLEARLY not mine!)

*What do you do when you hate everything you write in a day?

*What is the best way to force yourself to keep going when you are ready to turn on Scrubs for the night?

Television, catching up to the Silver Screen?

2006-10-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

TV verses movies. Right now I'm leaning towards TV. Perhaps this is because I'm moving from hit show to hit show, trying to catch up on the past 3 years where I was apparently living in a small hole on a desert island (or perhaps addicted to survivor and renovation shows?) The writing for some of these shows is absolutely phenomenal!!

Right now my top three are:

1. The West Wing (yes I'm only on season 2 - no spoilers please!!)
2. Lost (again - only on season 2, but Jack - seriously, move over Party of Five!)
3. Scrubs (I guess a metro-sexual Zach Braff just does something for me - plus I saw Dr. Cox in person - YUM!)

Honourable mention: Firefly. Unfortunately it was ruined by Fox, and will likely never air again, but it still gets my recognition. You really can't argue with "The Joss" as I have recently heard him called.

I find myself going to fewer and fewer movies, and watching more and more TV. I think this has to do partly with the increasingly witty writing that is primetime television, more than the less and less interesting movies that are being released. I wonder if we are just in a dry spell this year for original movies, with the occasional ray of "Little Miss Sunshine" or if their are just fewer original ideas left. Maybe it's that people aren't as easily impressed by effects now a days and so we are going through a new learning curve of how to write more intelligently for the big screen.

Either way, at least I still have something to be entertained by. Perhaps my first screenplay will be the start of a new era of intelligent writing for film.... but seriously, I am the same person who has left her gas cap at the pump more than once, so let's not have too high of expectations here.

Split Shift - Split Focus

2006-09-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

I am in the middle of a split shift today. I don't love splits. They sort of eat up your whole day. Today I had 2.5 hours in between, usually it's 1.5. I was going to stay at the restaraunt and try to eat something (not really hungry today - shocking, I know!) but my manager asked me if I was sticking around, which meant I would've had to start early again, so I quickly voted no. I will go back a little early and see if I want anything to eat.

I am finding a split focus is my life at the moment. One stream is work, bills, managing my time, money, friends and family. The other stream is art. I find my mind consumed with writing, plots, characters, school and film. It's nice for a person who loves variety to have two equally important things to focus on in life, but I think if I'm not careful, I may end up with a split personality.

Ah well, there are things that help me to balance the catwalk between the two....like Kareoke! Which is tonight. I love Kareoke, especially on Davie Street in Vancouver, it's definately an experience!

That's all for now. Maybe I should order some Split-Pea Soup (Gag me!)

Beach

2006-09-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

Derek and I found the awesomest little beach a couple weeks ago. It takes us about 7 minutes to drive to, with free parking, and it seems that only a select few of the regular Vancouver beach-goers know about it. We went there today for about an hour and just basked in the sun, playing The Movie Game of course! It's nice that the beach no longer has to be an all day event, with hoards of downtown traffic and full, overpriced parking lots!

It was delightful to enjoy some early September sun together, now that Derek's time on set is over and I actually had a full day off - yay!!! Too bad it took us all summer to find this place.

Projects Projects Everywhere!!!

2006-08-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

WHOOO I am down to one job! YES! I have found that waitressing (politically correct: Serving) DOES pay the bills so I am able to cut down to just that and work on some writing. I'm am very excited about a new script that I have in the works, and just have to continue to hash out some tricky plot lines....plot flaws are to me as wasps to sweet sweet Coca-Cola.

Derek and I are also working with some of his film school survivors on some of their projects and are hoping to gain their help on Derek's final project, which is coincidentally one of my short-stories-turned-screenplay. Mostly we have to nail down the location - which is tough since it's a pretty big location that we need.

Derek has been on set of a big budget movie (which shall remain nameless) for his practicum, and I got to go see them shooting a scene. One of my FAVE actors from scrubs was there and I experienced a slight heart flutter (no it wasn't Zach Braff) but Derek looked all professional in his head-set and movie gear. I was TRES impressed. (I don't think he's eaten this well since we moved out here!!! I must confess I have considered being a movie-set-lackey strictly for the food!)

Anyway, things couldn't be busier or more exciting for us at the moment (not to mention more terrifying!!) but I just have to remember who is in control, and He CERTAINLY hasn't let us down so far. Trust is the word of the day.

A Day Job... A Night Calling

2006-07-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm back to serving tables, but you know what? I consider this an upgrade! There are a couple reasons for that. First, I'll be working just over half the actual hours that I was working at the Agency while making a relatively close amount of money. Second, I will be moving around instead of sitting at a desk all day. As much as I love the feeling of sloth-iciousness (beat THAT Chuck!) that comes from sitting on my butt all day at a place where the only exercise I get is moving my arm to pick up the phone receiver....this way I'll be walking for my whole shift. YAY! And lastly, I am hoping to devote my extra time to my second career...which at this time is not paying...my writing. I am joining the ranks of all those with day jobs, who focus on their true callings into the wee hours of the morning, trying desperately to put something out there that stikes a chord with someone else.

I really feel like my opportunities are increasing, with Derek on the verge of graduating from film school (and by verge I mean 4 months away - for those who have lost track). This is one of the reasons that I couldn't stay with the agency. The only creative thoughts I had left over at the end of the day were of how to convincingly call in sick for the rest of my life and get paid for it. Not a productive atmosphere. My imagination was tapped out trying to think of ways to tell someone they weren't getting their stat holiday pay because they had only worked 4 hours in the previous month...but I digress.

So now I enter yet another chapter of my life (aparantly I'm more like a children's chapter book these days, where a chapter is only 3 pages) but I am excited nonetheless. Motivation is what I can't lose sight of right now.

PS: I have some solid ideas of where to submit my work, but I am always looking for more ideas. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

YAY OIL...and Tatoos

2006-06-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

Aaayeeeah!!! My boys won another game!!! That's us...cling by your finger nails and then go Mission Impossible on their A$$!!! LOVE IT!

I heard via Darren's Blog of girl's lower back tattoos being called a "tramp stamp" I don't necessarily agree, though I can't say I won't use the term - it just rolls right off your tongue! A tattoo is like the forbidden fruit to me. I want one, I've thought a lot about one, I can practically taste it, on some level I know it will make me just that much smarter, but then I will be kicked out of the "un-sullied body club" of eden forever. FOREVER. I just can't do it.

Thoughts on tattoos?

SQUISH

2006-06-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

I think that is the sound that my brain makes when some of the thoughts that I've been cramming in fall out the back. Then they are caught by the thought-catcher which has the irritating habit of shoving them back into my brain right when I'm about to fall asleep causing me to sit bolt upright and say "I have to call Purolator at 9:00 AM tomorrow!!" and thus disrupting my almost sleep. Doesn't matter sleep isn't going to help me at this point. Here are some of the thoughts from my overflowing brain:
- I wonder if the Aquarium is open evenings in the summer.
- Should I get that new video iPod and sell my mini?
- What am I going to do about a job in two weeks?
- My head hurts from everything that's in it (none of which is really that useful) I think I'm going to have an episode soon...I'm sure there will be straight-jackets involved.
- I hope the pub isn't busy tonight and that they have the beef dip on special.
- Is it unethical to shop on EBAY while I have a mountain of work that I'm not doing?
- I need to find out if Apple has screen writing software.
- I wonder what Derek is thinking right now.

Finis
(...I wish I actually was!!!)

Trinity...as in threes

2006-05-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

I've become three people at work. I thought I was one, but I was wrong. I used to be Rachel Receptionist (or Administrative Coordinator if there was a stick up my...well you know..) Now I am Rachel Staffing Coordinator, Rachel Receptionist, and Rachel Training Guru. All I really want to be is Rachel Teichrob. Unfortunately I don't have the stress tolerance of three so there have been a few tears shed, however, the end is in sight. Friday was supposed to be my last day but I sold my soul for two dollars more per hour and agreed to stay until mid-June. Regret is my middle name, but I haven't got my first raised paycheque yet, so that could change. My new house is lovely! I just got my bed frame in there on the weekend - it's a haven as any bed should be...now if I could only find the hardware for the microwave stand.

Anyway, time to go, my 2nd and 3rd personalities are calling me back to work. I always thought three was supposed to be a magic number!

A Place To Call My Own

2006-05-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago Derek and I were in Edmonton...talking about Vancouver, well, Burnaby actually. I was having a bit of an "I can't do this anymore" crisis. "This" being a number of things, first and foremost living across the bridge from Derek. (If you are not from Vancouver, think of trying to get to Kingsway Garden Mall from Millwoods when there is an accident on the bridge on Wayne Gretzky Drive - this is my everyday) Secondly, my job. I think mostly I'm just frustrated because I get to watch Derek using every ounce of his creativity, only to build more, and I'm sitting here saying "Hello, thank you for calling...." I might as well be saying "Would you like to Supersize that?" for all the fullfillment I'm getting!! Third, feeling like I don't really have a space to call mine. So I fixed it. Well, Derek helped (a lot!!)
The week I got back I began scouring the papers for apartments, basement suites, lean to's, anything really that was on Derek's side of the bridge, and exactly a week ago I found one!! It's this adorable ground level suite that is attached to a house owned by a LOVELY couple with a three year old daughter and a baby that was on the way and consequently is here now. (At this point you're kind of thinking "what has she done" right?) But it has slate grey tile floors, a double shower with glass doors, 5 inch white moulding, and 9 foot ceilings. I LOVE it! The sound proofing is less than remarkable, but that is a small price to pay for this PRIME piece of space. So I am in the process of moving in. (Meaning spending WAY too much money at Ikea, and wading through boxes). But enough of my stuff is there that I am sleeping there now...and here is the kicker. It's 5 MINUTES FROM DEREK!!!! (Driving) however it's close to major routes, and transit meaning I may be able to do without my car eventually (I'm weaning myself down slowly!!) And the BEST PART...there is a Starbucks within walking distance!! (Ok, so being close to Derek trumps the Starbucks - but whatever!) Maybe I'll get a Vespa!! (Oh wait, I'm not Chuck, although aparantly he's sold out for Goliath or whatever that death-mobile's name is!).
I've also given my notice at work. Ironically the drive from Burnaby to Langley for work is just as far as Langley to Burnaby to see Derek. I am free *ahem* finished as of May 26 at which point I will either do some more temping, or find a watiressing job that lets me enjoy the summer a bit more, but makes up for the income shortage in tips. Thus my devious plan unfolds before your eyes! So change is my lot yet again. Can't seem to get away from that, but at least it's positive change.

Amanda - this means we won't be holed up in the small Langley bedroom when you come...we can hole up in my small place in Burnaby instead!! Score! And I need to give HUGE props to Christie who helped me move - a thing only a TRUE friend would do, especially when they've seen my room!! Pictures will be posted once I set everything up in the place....and once I figure out how to post pics on Blogger (any thoughts?)

SO in Edmonton!!!

2006-05-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

Derek and I rolled into our hometown around 10 PM last night, and he graciously consented to take the long route through the city to Beaumont so I could re-associate myself with everything I had been missing for the 8 long months that I've been away.

It was almost uncanny how much it felt like a homecoming to me. This coming from the person who has moved 5 times in 5 years and really has no claim to "home" anymore. I have learned to try and make myself at home wherever I am for the time being. I realized how much I identify with Alberta, and although we've been building a great beginning of a life in BC, I am definately an Albertan at heart!!

Today we went to DADEO!!!!!!!!! That Po' Boy sandwich was as filling to my soul as it was to my stomach - I missed Dadeo's so much! I asked Derek if we could live there, but we decided that the commute might be a bit rough, at least until we buy our jet! That restaraunt is "our spot". Many important conversations have taken place there. Then we stopped in at Dabar to say hello to a few friendly faces, and mostly just lounged around the house in the afternoon. It was GREAT.

But seriously, what are you doing reading this? The Oiler's are playing!!

Introspection and Associations

2006-03-20T23:55:00.000-08:00

My blogs have really been going downhill content wise. I was reading some of my archives from last May. It looks like I was thinking and growing a lot more then. But, as we all know, looks can be decieving. Perhaps I just need to remember to put down some of my thoughts as they seem a little more ephemeral these days.

I watched Donnie Darko tonight for the second time. There's a particular scene that phased me more this time, where a self-proclaimed motivational speaker has been engaged to speak to a high school on conquering their fear and moving towards love. Most of what came out of his mouth was complete trash. Nothing conclusive, nothing concrete. Just cotton candy that melts in your mouth and leaves your hands sticky. I must confess, it reminded me of church. That being said, it does not remind me of most of the churches that I've had the fortune to be involved in. I've been exposed to some wonderful church settings where the cotton candy is bypassed for meat and potatos, and real life altering issues are discussed. I've listened to preachers who know where they're heading with a sermon, and are not guided by a blinking sign that reades "Guilt trip = Tithe". Preachers who are not afraid to admit when they've made a mistake, and tell stories that make their lessons applicable to life.

Its funny though, being reminded of church through such a negative scene in this movie ignites the flame of frustration in me. You know the one, where you encounter someone who has a Bible-shaped bruise on their forehead and is thus terrified to talk to you or any such associated "Christian" about anything that actually matters, restricting their remarks instead to the weather. You just want to ask them to follow you for a day, to show them that we're not all like that, that we all screw up and aren't afraid to admit it. That we can sometimes reserve judgement on others in order to examine oureselves. And yet here I am, not doing anything about this image. It is so brave of me to sit here, hiding behind my laptop, professing brave words on the virtuosity of Christians who aren't afraid to make mistakes. Wow what a concept. Am I actually rewarding myself for owning up to my faults? Am I giving myself licence to commit more by such an admission? What does this make me? Lazy? A coward perhaps? Should I not be striving to decrease my faults, instead of glorying in the fact that I am not afraid to admit the multitude I commit? I think, somewhere on this journey to be open and honest with the world about my faults and doubts and fears, my humbleness has dropped to the wayside, and I am forgetting that part of humility is the daily battle not to repeat the same mistakes, whether I am willing to admit them or not.

I want to make a difference in the world's view of Christians. I want to change the associations that come with church, even into my own mind. But the way to do this is not solely through being willing to admit my wrongs. The tools and strength to do this don't even lie within my reach. So I must get down on my knees, once again, and open myself to the humility that comes with the life that I strive to lead.

Thanks for listening.

Concerts I've Seen

2006-03-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

When you don't know what to say.....LIST!
Here are all the concerts I've seen....not in order because my memory is not that good. Also, there were TONS more at the Stage 13's so add them if I've missed. This is not including Christian shows either. Harvest Moon is WAY too long ago. Ok here goes.

Edgefest 99
-Len (EW!)
-Treble Charger
-Finger Eleven
-Vertical Horizon
-Serial Joe
-Matthew Good Band
-Big Wreck
-Wide Mouth Mason
-Edwin
-Silverchair
-Rascalz
(we left for most of Moist and Hole)

Creed
-Sevendust (opened)
-Nickelback (opened)

Our Lady Peace

Holly Cole
-Denzel Sinclair (opened)

Bela Fleck

Stage 13 - first time
-Watchmen
-Nickelback
-Tea Party

Big Wreck

I Mother Earth
-Billy Talent (opened)

Matthew Good

Stage 13 - times 2 and 3 (they run together in my head)
-Social Code
-Vince Neal
-Out of Your Mouth
-High Holy Days
-Everclear (hideous live!!)
-Treble Charger
-Swollen Members (EW!)
-GOB
-Pilate
-Sam Roberts
-Matthew Good
-George Thoroughgood
-The Trews
-Seether
-ZZ Top
-Our Lady Peace
-Tea Party
-Evanescence

Velvet Revolver
-Three Days Grace (opened)

Queens of the Stone Age

and....

41 days until Franz Ferdinand & DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE!!!!!!!!!

23

2006-03-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

So I'm 23. I wonder what that means? I guess I have a year to figure it out.

Derek and I went to church today. I think the fact that my dad was preaching made it easier. It was the first time in a long time that I didn't want to run away. I wonder what THAT means? Maybe this year I will figure that out too.

Vancouver Weekend

2006-02-26T23:18:00.000-08:00

Derek and I went to Stanley Park today (yes it was raining) and took some pictures. Did you know they have Peacocks just wandering around in there? We also go to see the seals and the Beluga whale, though we avoided the aquarium prices (so sue me, they left a gate open!) It was nice to smell the ocean again. We were both commenting that we feel as though we haven't done much to experience our new city even though we've lived here for several months now. Hopefully we can change that when the rain stops.

I am very excited for this next weekend, as my granparents have so generously given us some money to go out for a nice dinner for my birthday on Saturday. Olive Garden - here we come! I think we will go to a movie as well. Should be a lovely birthday present, especially since my car has been sucking my bank account dry of late, and well, Derek...film school...need I say more? It will be nice to go out without worrying about what we are spending.

A little concerned about turning 23, it seems so much more mid-twenties than early. And yes, I realize that I am a baby compared to some, but I don't begrudge you your age-complaining, so let me stew in peace. Ah well, I will consider it all experience to help me better enjoy tomorrow.

My Life is Messy and I LIKE it That Way!

2006-02-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

So lately I've been noticing that there are a few parts of my life that I haven't been keeping as tidy as some may think I should keep them. I think that I'm realizing that my life is messy. Maybe I'm just realizing that LIFE is messy. I'm really not saying that I think it's ok to cop out of trying to maintain an organized life because you have reacurring issues. I'm just saying that I'm becomming aware that no matter how much I try to fix and clean and tidy, there are ALWAYS going to be messy parts of my life, exacerbated by the fact that I am a messy person. I think I am charged with a greater responsibility to try and keep organized, and keep a handle on my life because it is harder for me. The effort it takes me to keep a clean space is probably double what it takes a normal person (quadruple what it takes Erika!) so I am required to work that much harder to maintain that, however, I think the sooner I realize that I need to set my own standards of acceptable and my own realistic goals, the easier I will be able to keep to those standards and reach those goals. I think that I will ALWAYS have a lower standard of what is organized, whether it comes to my car, my closet, or my emotions, but I need to be comfortable with that and work to achieve those goals first. The only time that this is negotiable is when it directly affects someone else's well being. For example, living at home right now requires me to be considerate of other peoples spaces, and therefore their standards of cleanliness. This is something that I forget sometimes, it's so easy to be selfish and think "my space, my problem, my mess". I am learning how to be considerate of other people's standards when they are affected, and learn to work under my OWN expectations when it's just me that's affected. Thus I am trying to achieve a zen-like balance between unselfishness and independance. Needless to say trying to feng-shui at this point would only confuse me.

Thus endeth the longest ramble session I've had in a while...but it sure felt good to get it out of me!

PS - My Star Trek Results!

Your results:
You are Deanna Troi

Deanna Troi		85%
Uhura		75%
Chekov		60%
Jean-Luc Picard		50%
James T. Kirk (Captain)		50%
Will Riker		45%
Beverly Crusher		40%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)		40%
Spock		37%
Geordi LaForge		35%
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)		35%
Worf		25%
Data		25%
Mr. Scott		25%
Mr. Sulu		0%

You are a caring and loving individual.
You understand people's emotions and
you are able to comfort and counsel them.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

My Thoughts on Northern Voice

2006-02-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I went to my first blogging conference on Saturday. It was at the UBC Robson Campus in downtown Vancouver, and despite getting a tad lost after taking the train to the wrong stop I made it!

The first full session I attended was called "I'm Too Sexy for my Blog." about blog design. I was really excited to take this session because I hate having the same blog as about 6000 other people on Blogger. However upon completion of the session I don't think it was the right choice for me. I learned that if you don't know C++ computer code, you are pretty much relegated to the templates, or hiring a designer. In retrospect, I probably should have realized this going in, however I was hoping for some cheats on dressing up my blog, a few quick pointers on color changes, or adding your own logos. I realize now that there are no back doors when it comes to web design. I think maybe that session was better suited to those who are ready to shell out some money to create a diva-liscous blog.

I found throughout the day that it was generally assumed that you were familiar with the majority of popular blogging lingo, words such as RSS feeders, Pod-casting, and Technorati tags were tossed around the room with an ease that made me feel like I was in way over my paygrade. Thanks to Darren for taking the time to enlighten me on RSS (I'm now addicted to Bloglines - what a timesaver!) This was probably another thing that I should have taken into consideration when registering. When there are that many people there who have that much cumulative knowledge about technology, it would be asking a lot for them to keep the tech-a-nese to a conversational level. I found myself a little frustrated that I couldn't keep up with the flow of the sessions when I continually didn't understand the terms they were using. This I chalk up to inexperience in the tech. world.

I did learn some cool things about the different usage of blogs, and what type of websites attract the eye, as well as the difference between anti-corporate technology users, and those whose purpose in blogging is mainstream marketing. I didn't meet any new people, partly because I felt too shy to walk up to anyone to introduce myself, partly because nobody felt inclined to come and do the same to me. It seemed most people had come with somebody.

I'm definatly not sorry I went, it was an eye opener in terms of the possibilities concerning blogs, webcasts, audio-visual media etc., however I would probably reconsider registering again until I felt more up with the computer times.

I know this probably was very boring to most of my regular readers, however the organizers of the conference encouraged us to post our feedback on our blogs, so there you have it.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Technorati Test

2006-02-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

Ok so I'm at Northern Voice trying to learn things that are way above my paygrade...I mean comprehension level. Like how to post a Technorati tag on my blog, and more importantly, what a technorati tag is? Here goes.

[Northern Voice]

I guess we'll see. Fortunately blogger supports post-publishing edits!

My Non-Valentine's Thought

2006-02-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

So Valentines Day.

I remember Valentine's Day the year I lived in Calgary. It was a bad day for me. I had so many people that cared about me, lots going on in my life, and nothing to be generally upset about, but it wasn't enough. I was sad. I felt excluded from a club of blissfully happy-looking people, who had all the same problems and joys as I did. The thing that I did not have was the claim to being the better (or worse) half of a couple.

Thinking about it now that Derek and I are together, it doesn't make sense that I should turn my back on the sadness and frustration I felt that day simply because I have now what I lacked then.

Last year I went to Sobey's on Valentine's Day to pick up a few things for dinner that night. The isles were CRAMMED with more men than I've ever seen in the grocery store at one time. I was outnumbered, and ended up waiting in line for 10 minutes for sour cream. They were all scrambling, desperately clinging to their cozy spot in their bed, dreading the doghouse sentence if the roses weren't quite red enough, or the chocolate had the wrong filling. It just seemed like such a scramble. A hassle to keep their wives, girlfriends, FTMO's happy enough to avoid an argument.

Derek and I don't usually celebrate Valentine's day. It started with him saying "Why do I need a day to tell you that I care about you?" and progressed into us adopting a mandate that we heard on The Bear in Edmonton. A couple who were a little anti-cupid explained how they used Valentine's as a day to call each other the names that they never are allowed to call each other normally without reprocutions. Of course it's more fun to tell people that this is how we celebrate than to actually do it, but you get the idea.

This isn't a rant in as much as I don't care to start a debate on the true meaning of Valentine's Day, or whether it should or should not be celebrated. I guess I just wanted to explore the thought that this day strikes me as one that excludes a whole lot of people, and causes more pain then joy. It seems to me, that as for group of people who's life goal is to show others love, it doesn't make sense to embrace a day that excludes those who may need that love the most! If you know you have someone who loves you, day in, day out then why keep that to yourselves?

This Valentine's Day, and EVERY day for that matter, choose to share the love. Choose a Valentine who isn't your one-and-only, and shower them with Love, Love, Love.

Listen to Dave Matthews, he seems to get it. "shower them with Love, Love, Love...Love, Love is all around"

Once Upon a Time..

2006-01-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

...There was a beautiful young writer who couldn’t write. She knew she was a writer, it was the only thing she wanted to be. Everything about her screamed diction, vocabulary and antecedent actions, but still she couldn’t write. There came a point where those around her began to doubt her claims. “Pseudo-story teller” they jeered, “you’re just a poetic wanna-be”. She began to doubt herself. Why couldn’t she form her own ideas? She was haunted by dreams of plot flaws and run-on sentences. Her days were filled with linguistic nightmares and fairy-tale rip offs, until she began to question to her inner core whether she was built to do this at all.

Ending A:

Fortunately she was a patient young pen-woman and continued to work at her day job and develop her ideas by night until she had saved enough bling to attend writing school, where she learned about composition and the perfectly placed comma, Her ideas began to take shape, and with the helpful guidance of her well versed (though consistently be-spectacled) professors the young, exceptionally beautiful not to mention incredibly talented writer went on to write very famous published works in manner of Shakespeare et al.

Ending B:

After questioning her dream, and revisiting some of her less-than stellar works, she began to become disillusioned with her ability. She wrote less and less. She stopped calling her editor friends, and began to avoid the library like the plague. Happy memories of Chapters became an ephemeral dream. Then one day she gave up all together. Now this disenfranchised (albeit still very beautiful) young writer works as a manager at the local fast food chain, where the longest piece of writing is on the 2nd stall on the left.

POLLS ARE OPEN, VOTE ON YOUR FAVORITE ENDING. This poll may or may not directly affect my fate, future and general career choices, so vote accordingly.

Home

2006-01-25T19:05:00.000-08:00

I want to go home. I wonder where that is. Apparantly I'm already there, but it doesn't feel the same. I have parts of home. Good foundations, Derek and my family, but it's like taking a vacation and packing your essentials but not having the comfort of your own bed. Seems like maybe that bed got lost in the shuffle. Maybe I just have to make a new one, I think it probably takes more time to do that than I really want to wait. But that is the call, so I will follow.

NyQuil is my Wonder Drug!

2006-01-22T23:50:00.000-08:00

Ok now I acutally am sick. I guess a month of rain and 6 am wake up calls will do to you. (Or maybe as Derek so kindly pointed out, it's the 3 am nights?) Ahh well, I have another early day tomrorow, so it only makes sense that I would be sleeping now, but of course I am blogging instead. Derek had to unexpectedly shoot a commercial today so Ashley and I went spending....I mean shopping. But I settled for movie night with Derek. We wached this old show called "The Party" with Peter Sellers I think. I really enojyed it. It's like the American Mr. Bean of the 60's. Tomorrow I have a big office meeting with the Big Boss, our regional manager, and I am in charge of lunch. Can you tell I'm the front end girl? Pizza Hut it is. It's a lot of pressure you know, trying to remember who doesn't like meat, who needs diet and regular pop, who has allergies or aversions to this or that...but I am Rachel, queen of the front desk, illness or injury cannot hold me back I shall order that pizza to the best of my ability. Well, time to say Nyquil...I mean goodnight.

Death Cab for Cutie and cold.

2006-01-18T22:56:00.000-08:00

Sitting here in my bed listening to a mix of Death Cab and Garden State soundtrack and I'm cold. We have just lost a integral member of our office staff at work which has left me working the early shift 7-3:30. For anyone else this may seem easy as cheesecake, however I am the person who can't politely say "good morning" unless it is past 10 AM. Getting up to go to work at 8:30 is hard enough for me, but being there at 7 is almost out of the range of my physical capability. Fortunately the phone calls between 7 and 8:30 are very limited and I only have to sound semi-coherent since I am usually the only one there for a while. The work load has definitely increased as we all try to pick up the slack that losing a person creates, and there has been a virus going around our office, which I am pretending that I am not getting - everything goes away if you ignore it long enough. Being safe at home in my cozy warm bed is a great feeling, unfortunately it is tainted by the knowledge that I have to get up at 6 tomorrow. Woe is me, better call me a WAaaambulance.

Missing Edmonton

2006-01-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

Blogging is a bittersweet thing for me. I love going on to do the circle and see what's going through everybody's heads - which aparantly hasn't been much lately - but it always gives me this pang of homesickness for those I left in Edmonton. All of you folks who I could catch a coffee with at the Cafe or call up if I needed an opinion or just another reassurance that you were still taking my calls. On a day like today when we are short staffed and really busy at the office, I always tend to retreat into my head for some silence and solitude. This in turn causes me to want to blog, which spirals the chain reaction of thinking of Whyte Ave, my old place, and more importantly my friends. I suppose at least I can be assured that the relationships I had meant something, if they didn't I don't think I would miss them this much.

Garden State and Macs

2006-01-15T01:50:00.000-08:00

So I watched Garden State again last night (or part of it until I fell asleep). I've never watched a movie that I identify so much and so little with at the same time. Situationally, I really have nothing in common with any of the characters, however emotionally it touches me so deeply. It's that feeling you get when you realize that there's someone out there who understands to the letter the experience that you've just been through and can identify with everything you're feeling. You're not alone. And it's not just that someone you know can empathize with you. It's a total stranger taking you through it step by step. I think that was an enlightened project for Zach Braff, as I know it touched a lot of people in a way that nobody expected. Truly indentifiable. Ok, so maybe this is a 2 AM ramble, but in any case, I love that movie!

You know what else I love? This Mac laptop that I'm typing on. It's amazing.

Blogging conference looming - Better brush up!

2006-01-09T00:22:00.000-08:00

So I've registered for a blogging conference in February. It's called Northern Voice and it is held in downtown Vancouver on Friday and Saturday, February 10 & 11th. If you live in the lower mainland or will be in town around that time, you should check it out. I am only attending the Saturday session as work prevents me from going Friday. As well, the Friday session is something called Moose Camp which is a self-organized blogging free-for-all type event, as far as I understand it. More info can, of course, be found on the Northern Voice website, including event costs and a schedule.

That being said, my blogging has been sadly lacking of late. This, however, could be on the verge of large-scale change as I have a possible opportunity to by a Powerbook. This laptop would revolutionize my interaction with the computer, including my blogging, writing, and general geeky-ness. I would have a functional (if not incredibly sexy) piece of equipment that is my very own to wax poetic about anything and everything! Doesn't that just thrill you all to your inner-cores? Well, perhaps not those of you who read this blog out of a sense of obligation to our friendship, as you might be thinking what a huge spike in time commitment this would mean for you - Is she really worth that much? - I know the thoughts that are running through your heads my friends. I guess it remains to be seen. Either way - I'm stoked.

Happy New Year to all, and a big belated mistletoe kiss to each and everyone of you. (Don't tell Derek that I'm e-promiscuous!)

Just let it be tough

2005-12-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

I have decided (and thus is shall be written) that we have a fixation with fixing things (no pun intended). When we are going through something in life that is difficult, we always want to fix it. When someone we love is having a tough day, we have this desire to do something to cheer them up, make them smile, make them happy. I think that I need to stop with the fixing. I've realized that things sometimes just need to be hard.

Since Derek and I have got here I have been struggling to find th balance between an unhappiness (being lonely, dealing with BC drivers, etc.) and a deep-seeded joy in knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. The struggle comes in thinking that because I am joyful and at peace with our current situation, I should also be happy about it. I think this just isn't the case. The reasons that the Lord has for bringing us here are too complex and indepth for me to even fathom them all, however I think that I do Him an injustice by trying to immediately be content with this change of pace and space. I have come to understand that working through a rough time causes you to rely on God in a deeper measure than you do when everything is looking up. The Lord is asking me to trust him, through my sadness, despite my lonliness, and above my frustrations. In looking for the quick fix, I miss the lesson, that is the purpose of the trail to being with.

The Lord is teaching me a lot about lessons. If I am willing to accept them, there are lessons in almost everything. When the drunken temp employee reams me out over the phone for not paying him after he's forgotten to submit his hours, there is a lesson. When I lack a creative outlet and have to work that much harder not to lose sight of my artistic vision, there is a lesson. When I have to learn to sacrifice time with Derek so that we can work on his schoolwork, there is a lesson. I have to remember that the only way out of this situation is through it, and the only way to do that is with the strength that is not my own. The quick fix, the easy solution, is a way to brush by the knowledge that comes by enduring the test. Sometimes, we just need to allow things to be hard. Let ourselves have a bad day, because when we're on the other side of it, we may just be closer to the One who has brought us through.

Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt to talk about it either. :-) I have missed you all.

!!Teaser!!

2005-11-09T22:30:00.000-08:00

!!Derek started FILM SCHOOL today!!!

Thank you for all your prayer and support for us as we've worked for this, please continue to pray for us as we finally begin the journey!

Farewell for Now

2005-10-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided to take a temporary break from blogging. The length of this absence remains undetermined, so until then you all have my number, and if you don’t then shoot me an email at jazzhotshot@hotmail.com and we’ll chat.

Thanks All,
Rach

Calling the House!

2005-10-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hi House. Did you get our message? I just wanted to post an open letter to you all to let you know how much we are missing everybody right now. We miss our wing nights, we miss our deep and not-so-deep discussions, we miss our poker nights (except for the failed one at The Stonehouse – not missing that) We miss YOU. Our weekends consist of trying to find our way around a road system that was clearly designed by three year olds who hadn’t quite figured out their Leggo yet, trying to figure out if it’s worth it to go out and sight see in the rain, trying to find a Wal-Mart that’s not half an hour away… Don’t get me wrong we are definitely enjoying the new scenery, mountains and ocean combined – you can’t go wrong – but we are also REALLY feeling the homesickness. The people out here are different, they respond different to strangers. Once you get to know them, they are awesome, but right off the bat their initial friendliness is not quite as out there as most in Alberta.

So I have a new work email that I can be contacted at in the day, but I don’t think I’m allowed to post it on here, so email me at my hotmail and then I can send it to you. Hope the house-ness is still sweet – how are the new digs? I’m so disappointed that I didn’t get to see it before I left. Maybe New Years?

Miss you all, here is a BIG hug from me. PLEASE COME VISIT US...We'll supply you with a complimentary umbrella!

Public Service Anouncement

2005-10-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am not dead.

Now that I've heard your collective sigh of relief I can move on. Derek is here now, hence the lack of blogging, and I've also been working 8:30 - 5:00 with a temp agency in Langley, so by the time I drive to Burnaby - which incidentally takes me almost an hour after work, but only 25 minutes at night - and drive home, I'm too tired for internet. So that has been my story. I must say that I am SO happy to have Derek here, even though both of us are attempting to adjust to another change in routine. It's surprising how easily you can fall into not working and laying around, and hanging out with friends and visiting family can really take the place of work (quite pleasantly I might add).

Anyway, sorry for the lack of information, but Matt still holds the record, so let's do what we do best and point the finger somewhere else! And who said I've gone back to the mother ship?! I demand a name Anonymous, or at least a pseudonym to tide me over.

Ok, so I don't really know what else to tell you, except that Derek's apartment is AWESOME and I'm going to my first movie in about a month and a half tomorrow - SO excited! Also, Red Robin's may have the burger with the egg, but they suck in all other respects.

I went for a working interview at Red Robin's when I first moved here, which essentially meant that I had access to their computer system, without the accountabilty of being on their payroll (If this is raising any red flags to any of you, you're smarter than they are!) So I worked for 2 hours for them, being offered no refreshment or compensation except a job in possibly the dirtiest kitchen I've even been in (Am I ruining the egg yet?) and then I went home with a vague promise of a phone call the next day. Obviously I waited on pins and needles all though the next day and the next and the next, but when the pins got a little to uncomfortable I figured the weren't going to call me back. Four weeks later, I was still right. I had decided not to call them, I figured if this was typical of how they treated their employees, I could find somewhere who might appreciate (or at least tolerate) me a little more.

However (Are you ready for the Survivor plot twist now?)

Two days ago while I was at work, my dad got a call from the very manager that scheduled my "slave labour" interview. She said "It appears that we've hired Rachel, and I was just wondering when she might be able to come in to start?"

After I stopped twitching with disbelief (which took until this afternoon) I phoned her back and told her who I was. She informed me in a less-than-courteous tone that she had left a message with my father and had been hoping that I would have been able to come in today for orientation. What her tone said for her was that I was quite the inconvience to her smoke break and could I please just get my act together. I replied that I thought since I hadn't heard anything since my interview, which I oh-so-politely reminded her was over three weeks ago, I assumed that no one was interested in my skills. She said Ok, but was I still interested in the job? And I had to tell her no, since no one had sat down with me, I had moved on to other things (I did not add that I would have desperately loved to wait three more weeks for her call, but that her potential rejection had caused me to revert to my ways as a smack addict and that I was going to a cabin in the mountains for six months to recover, and would the job still be available when I returned?)

Ok, so I'm over re-acting, but seriously how retarded is that? Feel free to send a nasty letter to Red Robin's in Langley.

Fix You

2005-09-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

This is my new favorite song right now, by Colplay.

I was having a talk with my mom and dad yesterday. We went to a church out here which will henceforth be named Yuppie-ville Alliance. The worship was pretty good (piano player was off rhythm) The sermon had some good points (the preacher said "irrespective" four times - is that even a word?) and the atmosphere was generally friendly (I think some of the girls forgot to change their bar-clothes from the night before.) Will I ever be able to turn off this part of my brain that can't do the typical church anymore? It seemed like I could do nothing except shudder at the typicality of it all. Going to to Sol Cafe definitely changed my idea about what kind of church I want to be involved in, and how I want to approach my communal spiritual journey. This being said I still hold with the mantra that even the yuppiest of churches can still have a viable ministry to people who are looking for a certain style in a place of worship. They still care for the broken, still delve into his teachings to try and understand the mystery that is our God, still raise their voices to praise the creator even if they do it with the keys to their mercedes jingling in their pockets.

I crave to be a person who can worship my Father in any circumstance. Whether I am in a catholic mass or a christian rave. I just can't seem to shut off the cynical side of my brain that says "This could be so different!" I don't understand why all of the sudden I am so anti-church. It seems as though I don't fit anywhere anymore. I definately don't fit into the typical "Southgate welcome lunch" atmosphere, but I think if I went to a church that approached things similar to the open conversational style of Sol Cafe, I wouldn't fit there either, because it just wouldn't be Sol Cafe. I think I need to ask to be taught how to worship in any and all circumstances. Church is just another setting. It's not the foundation of my faith.

My dad and I got to talking about some of the ministry experience that he's had over the almost 30 years of being a pastor. He was reflecting upon the people that have crossed their path and ended up remarking "It's just a long line of broken people" to which I replied "aren't we all broken people?" he said "Every sinlge one".

And I can't help but think with the utmost sincerity how comforting that thought is.

Looking Forward...and Looking Back

2005-09-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

!!We found a place for Derek!!

The landlord called this afternoon to confirm. It's not the one that we went to go see and the lady wouldn't call me back, but it's funkier! I love it. It is a rockin little basement pad on the Burnaby side of Hastings Street. Forget what you've heard about the horrors of West Hastings....this is East Hastings, where the fun flows like Rickard's Red and the movies are abundant! I'm so excited! It's been a long haul, with some nasty places that will haunt my dreams for years to come, but after seeing six rejects and one hopeful that didn't work out, we found a home for the soon to be displaced, eldest of the Langer children, and I can't wait for him to get here!

The pictures are on flickr if you want to see them, but the girl currently living in there *forgot* to clean before we saw it so Chuck, don't let Erika look she'll have nightmares for weeks. I'm very excited to set it up with all of Derek's cool stuff. His stuff is much much cooler than mine...but really, it's all mine in the end right? Just kidding, don't tell him I said that.

So there's the looking forward. Here's the looking back.

I was looking back over some of my previous blogs and comments today. I find that reading things that encouraged me in the past, serve to encourage me in the present as well. I delved into my archives and read a few of my bad day posts, and despite being told to "suck it up princess" to the point of being emotionally scarring, there were some really amazing things written by you, my friends. It caused me to reflect a little one what I've been through and learned this past year, and while I'm sure you're all dying to hear that in great detail, that post will have to wait until I have about 5 hours to write it. But I did just want to remark at what an amazing group of friends I have. Thanks to all of you for all your support and words of encouragement, well wishing, church talk, phone calls, and general fun-good-times over the past year. Y'all know who you are and I don't think I would have made it through without you guys. I miss you a lot. All of you. Thanks.

Speaking of encouragement, still uncertain on the bloggers meeting. And despite Chucks oh-so (in)sane comment that I should go, and something else about monkeys - ? - I remain undecided. Survivor OR scary people I don't know.....Warm fuzzy reality T.V. OR conversational debates with new faces.....Sitting at home OR possibly meeting new friends.... it's so all so overwhelming, I just want to go shopping!! Fortunately this decision carries little weight except the amount of gas my car will use, and my lack of finances. I already spent my weeks allowance going out for dinner with Fred, but maybe that could be last week's allowance since it was on Sunday, and really, Sunday can go either way. I need a job.

The House Hunt

2005-09-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

Well....the basement suite hunt it more like it. We have been to look at 4 places now for Derek. The fourth one we want. It's bright, very spacious, huge kitchen - altogether lovely, except the lady won't call me back. I called her last night to let her know we wanted it and when could we bring her the deposit. She said she would discuss it with her husband and call me back - which she hasn't done. So I attempted to call her back, but they have that voicemail that comes on when they're on the phone, so I can't get through. I don't mind going to look at more places, but I just don't like sitting and waiting on pins and needles for a place that we like. To see pictures, go visit my flickr account. www.flickr.com/photos/rteichrob/

In other news, there is a peat moss bog burning in Delta. It should be a sunny day here, but we are covered in, as Darren put it "A nuclear winter" (It's pronounced Nu-cue-lar!) It's not cold, but the sky looks as though the city lies in ruin. Fortunately it doesn't, and I'm considering going to a bloggers meeting that is set up in Vancouver on Thursday night. It's a chance for lower mainland bloggers to get to know each other and discuss and... (wait for it chuck)... debate. My desire to go is conflicted by my fear of going alone, not knowing how to get there or where to park, being afraid of looking stupid in front of pretentious B.C. folk, and wanting to watch the premiere of Survivor. The last of these being both the lamest and most pressing issue.

I watched I <3 Huckabees last night, and am still recovering from intense wierdness, and Jude Law with a very unfortunate American accent. I could listen to him talk for hours...I wish he was the voice in my head instead of me... I can be very grating after a time.

Farewell friends, let me know if you think I should go to the Blogger's meeting.

The Christian Catch Phrase

2005-09-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

There has been a decided lack of blogging in our little blogring...have I unintentionally passed on the blogger's block to all my not-so-nearest and dearest? Oops.

Have been thinking a little bit about the phrase "relying on God" As many of you know, my whole spiritual journey has been turned upside down this year, causing me to re-think the phrases that I learned to say and believe without question.

"Surrender it to the Lord"

I know that I am out in B.C. by myself for a reason. I know that I need to find a place for Derek to live. Why there is so much attached to this decision I don't know. There is more than just a little vacation before Derek gets here. Finding a job, settling in, learning the city, deciding my future...

"Seek His direction."

Direction for what? My future? How to get to Starbucks? I really thought I was ready for this kind of change. I thought I had prepared myself for all that would come with this course of action. Of course I had not. I feel displaced in a way that I never imagined I would. I thought I knew enough about the city to be comfortable here. I thought I would keep myself busy trying to find a job, seeing the sights, setting up my space. I never thought I wouldn't want to do any of those things. I never thought I would shy away from adventure. And yet....

"Lean on the Lord, He'll pull you through"

Through what? I can't even classify what it is I'm going though - change overload? Derek withdrawal? Quarter life crisis? A wise man, who happens to be my father told me that loving God above everyone and everything else in your life has nothing to do with emotion, and everything to do with obedience. I take immense comfort in that. I know in my head that ultimately I have no choice but to do what God calls me to, unless I decide to completely turn my back, but my feelings can't seem to understand that pain is sometimes on the menu for that kind of lifestyle. I have a feeling that I am being strengthened through my weakness during this time, more than I even realize. I am finding out a lot about myself, and re-examining the Christian catch phrases.

"All in God's time."

That is not a comforting phrase to me anymore. It's an absolute (which is weird coming from someone reading about metaphysics and experiential knowledge). If I'm praying for God to direct my life, and it's not in His timing for me to be somewhere or do something, then only by contradicting His timing will that thing happen, and that's not where I should ultimately be. Therefore if I say I want what God wants for me, then I have no choice but to respect His timing. Even if it doesn't seem to work out the way I wish it would, if I choose to obey that, I demonstrate that my obedience has mastery over my desires. If only I could get my desires to fall in line with that, and yet, that's part of the struggle right?

Human nature vs. Divine timing - Friday night fight at the MGM Grand!

Anyway, I know that there's more to be learned out here, but the purpose of it all is clouded by my conflicting feelings of loneliness, excitement, and intense missing of Derek. And somehow, thinking of the people who have it way worse than me, and trust me - there's many - isn't helping. But for that discussion, go back to posts about selfishness. Maybe that's what I need to learn.

Anyway, the weather is gorgeous, I got to hear my dad's jazz band play and talk to all the really nice graduate students at Trinity today, and I made plans with Fred tomorrow. Also, I have an appointment to see an apartment on Monday for Derek, and will hopefully make a couple more before the weekend is up. Also my mom bought me "Lemony Snicketts - A Series of Unfortunate Events" on DVD and I got Derek "The Aviator" for a wicked price! Ok, well that's al the bloggy goodness for tonight.

P.S. Am starving for friendly news from Edmonton, please feel free to blog at will! (You know - like "fire at will" from Star Trek? Ya know... like when Captain Picard says "fire at will"...and then they all do? With the torpedos and all that jazz? See what I did there - with the play on words? C'mon! I made a joke...it's funny....awww forget it.

A Little More on Film School

2005-09-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

At the British Columbia Institute of Technology they have recently added a new program to their menagerie of partnership certificates. It is a one year intensive program called Film Flex, designed to bolster the Canadian film industry by contributing motivated film makers with the know how to create a film from pre-planning to post-production. Including courses in cinematography, non-linear editing, business and how to plan a for your budget, the Film Flex program ensures a well rounded course load. This allows students to understand all aspects involved in film making and then decide whether they wish to start their own business as an independent film maker, or find a position with a company already established in the industry.

After checking out more than a couple of the many film programs the lower mainland has to offer, Derek and I both agreed that BCIT is a step above the others. The total cost of the one year program falls in the same vicinity as most other West Coast schools, but with an added bonus. BCIT has a mandatory technology fee that they charge students of $11, 500. Normally I would not call this a bonus, however, in return for this fee each student is handed a Macintosh G4 Powerbook, complete with Production Suite Academic (including Final Cut Pro editing software), an AG-DVX100AP Min-DV Camcorder, and a Manfrotto Tripod system. This equipment package is dropped into each students lap during the first week of courses, and is essentially held by the student on behalf of the school until graduation when it becomes the property of the student.

This technology package singles out BCIT above the other schools, in both status and price. Although the program hits the same $30, 000 mark as several other programs, the student walks away with not only the knowledge they need to make a feature film, but they own all the equipment as well. This, however, poses a problem. The $16, 500 of tuition required for the 12 month program is payable by cash, credit, or student loan. The technology package, however, is not covered by government loans, or financial aid through BCIT. Essentially because all the equipment will become the students personal property upon graduation. Although this is the main reason we chose BCIT, it is also the biggest road block to getting there.

Moving from Alberta to BC, you are liable to experience some pressure on the wallet as you learn to cope with higher accommodation and gas prices, as well as PST. The fact that your living expenses increase by about 15% does not ease the reality that there is little or no funding to help you pay for a technology package that is mandatory to your education. I understand the conundrum of receiving student funding for what will become personal property, but after exhausting so many options, we are left wondering how this program is to be afforded.

Each student line of credit that will cover the cost of the fee plus living expenses requires a co-signer, which is not realistic in the case of some mature students. Credit cards charge an interest rate which cannot be afforded for the twelve intensive months where income is minimal. Banks laugh you out the door when you tell them you need $15, 000 to pay for filming equipment, and you will soon be a starving student in the West coasts most expensive city. We are continuing to seek out funding options, but we could use any help we can get. We don't lack any of the necessary passion, just the fuel for the financial fire. Any thoughts on funding, grants, bursaries, or available scholarships would be appreciated.

Official info on the Film Flex program can be viewed at: http://www.bcit.ca/study/programs/6740ipcert

The technology package can be viewed at: http://www.broadcastatbcit.com/filmflex/equipment.htm

Thanks!

Both Sides of the Coin

2005-09-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to get writer's block for bloggers? Blogger's block? If it is I have it. There is so much new and different. In fact my whole life is different. There is NOTHING the same about it. I should have lots to say. Maybe I'm just too overwhelmed with change to be coherent. Maybe that's a good thing for you the reader. Maybe I'm just distracted by having 3-tier cable after having virtually nothing for the past two years!

Caution I'm going to be angst-y for a minute. (And Chuck if you use the "suck it up princess" shtick one more time....there will be words!) I really miss Derek. I feel like I left half of me back in Edmonton and that I'm walking around with a huge part of me missing. All of my conversations are only half full. It's strange, but such is the life of the dating couple with a dream. I'm not complaining, I'm just filling you in. I also miss Edmonton in general. I knew where at least 70% of the Wal-Marts were, where to find a Tim's no matter where in the city I happened to be, and there was always a Starbucks within a 5 block radius (Now it's actually a 2 block radius, but that doesn't help much when you don't know where you are.) I miss being able to walk into Cafe Dabar to wax philosophy with Matt and Chuck and find Erika reading _ _ _ -fiction *ahem* literary journals, online. I miss catching up on all the news with Amanda, and poker with Andrew and Kristen.

I suppose I miss most of these things in theory, since it hasn't been that long since any of them happened last, but I find the idea that I can't do them anytime I get the urge to very upsetting. Much more so than being able to do them and just not having the time.

On the lighter side....

1.) The weather has been great here. Not too hot, not cold or rainy.
2.) The trees don't have any yellow leaves yet.
3.) I will most likely go visit the ocean on the weekend. Perhaps I'll take my journal and let the sea salt inspire some sappy peice of poetry that will hopefully win me first prize in the "We Don't Actually Understand Any of This" magazine.
4.) I went to see both sets of grandparents today. I helped my mom's mom - Grandma G. - buy groceries and go to her eye appointment and she took me and my mom out for lunch. Then I had supper with my other grandparents who live about 10 blocks away from Grandma G. And I knew that this wasn't the last time I was going to see them for another 6 months.
5.) I have cable TV and internet in my bedroom, at my disposal, a long distance plan to talk to Derek anytime day or night, and meals being cooked for me and company to eat them with.
6.) I know this is a temporary thing, staying with my mom and dad, but after an incredibly tough year, it's REALLY REALLY nice to have family wanting to help you and care for you, and I'm so grateful to them for their support.

There is my positivity for today. I have to write both sides because I'm truly in conflict on the inside right now about how I feel about all this change. So there you have it, the good and the bad. That's life.

And for the LOVE! Would somebody please send me the contact information for the house? Address and phone number? Thanks :-)

I See B.C.

2005-08-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am here now.

Please regale me with your comments of how much you miss me.

Or don't...

...But I'll mail you a cheque if you do.

Fitting it all in

2005-08-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

Ok. So there has been a decided lack of blogging on my part. I could apologize, but it's my blog and I really don't feel the need. :-)

Aside from the lack of internet, attempting to pack up my house and being mind-numblingly ill, Derek and I have experienced a big loss. His grandfather passed away a week and a half ago. We were with him when he died. That's all I can write about it now. I can't expound. Just can't.

So tonight I have been attempting to catch up on the blogging that has passed me by since my last internet fix. I can't help feeling a bit overwhelmed with information, philosophy, secrets, some of which I knew, some of which I probably needed to hear, and some of which I can't seem to fit into my psyche? realm of comprehension? world view? I don't know. They just don't fit.

I am a selfish girl. I want my life to be for me. It is in my personal nature to be generous or compassionate, to want to give time and energy - at least to a point. And yet sometimes I find myself putting that aside to go for the glittering things that catch my eye and sparkle oh-so-insistantly until I get caught up in their tantalazing beauty. I can't help but think that rejecting one of the few positive qualities that is built into my nature in order to be selfish is the worst kind of selfishness. This fact alone makes me most reluctant to get involved in any organization which may cause me to examine my love quotient, or my selflesness quotient. Is it because I am ashamed? or because they may cause me to change and I wish to pleasantly reject this reality and substitue my own? I don't know. Both?

And again I have made it about me. All about me. I know that I will never be enough. I will never have enough, give enough, do enough, be enough, love enough. I am bad, and don't even want to change. Fortunately, I am living with almost 7 billion others who are the exact same way. I don't need to feel alone. And like Chuck says, my salvation is assured. I am loved. Now I just need to understand why, through careful thought, prayer and study, and all the while and above all, allow that love to flow through me to others. Not because of me, or for me. Through me. Only a vessel.

Ok so that is probably the most random and cathartic thing I have written yet, please excuse the complete disregard of grammar and structure. I am too tired to consider such things for now. Thank you, and Goodnight.

Mother of all Movie Lists....Be Prepared!

2005-08-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

1. Take this list and post it into your blog, and mark the movies you've seen.
2. Add five more movies to the end of the list.
3. Count how many X's you have. If you've seen more than 30 movies for every hundred in the list, you are DEFINITELY a movie Buff
4. BOLD the movies you saw in the movie theatre. If you've seen more than 30 movies per hundred in the theater, you're a movie-licous! (Just for you Chuck!)

I've seen 47% of the movies and 15% of them in the theater – Bet I could’ve backpacked Europe for that amount of money….

(x) 1. Napoleon Dynamite
(x) 2. Saw
( ) 3. White Noise
(x) 4. White Oleander
(x) 5. Anger Management
( ) 6. 50 First Dates
( ) 7. Jason X
(x) 8. Scream
(x) 9. Scream 2
(x) 10. Scream 3
( ) 11. Scary Movie
( ) 12. Scary Movie 2
(x) 13. Scary Movie 3
(x) 14. American Pie
(x) 15. American Pie 2
(x) 16. American Wedding
(x) 17. Harry Potter
(x) 18. Harry Potter 2
(x) 19. Harry Potter 3
(x) 20. Resident Evil 1
( ) 21. Resident Evil 2
(x) 22. The Wedding Singer
( ) 23. Little Black Book
(x) 24. The Village
( ) 25. Donnie Darko
( ) 26. Lilo & Stitch
(x) 27. Finding Nemo
(x) 28. Finding Neverland
( ) 29. 13 Ghosts
(x) 30. Signs
( ) 31. The Grinch
( ) 32. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) 33. White Chicks
( ) 34. Butterfly Effect
(x) 35. 13 Going on 30
(x) 36. I, Robot
(x) 37. Dodgeball
( ) 38. Universal Soldier
(x) 39. Lemony Snickett’s “A Series Of Unfortunate Events”
(x) 40. Along Came A Spider
(x) 41. Deep Impact
( ) 42. Kingpin
(x) 43. Never Been Kissed
(x) 44. Meet The Parents
( ) 45. Meet The Fockers
( ) 47. A Cinderella Story
(x) 48. The Terminal
(x) 49. The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) 50. Passport to Paris
(x) 51. Dumb & Dumber
( ) 52. Dumb & Dumberer
( ) 53. Final Destination
(x) 54. Final Destination 2
( ) 55. Halloween
( ) 56. Halloween 2
( ) 57. Halloween 3
( ) 58. Halloween 4
( ) 59. Halloween 5
(x) 60. H20
( ) 61. Halloween: the Resurrection
(x) 62. The Ring
( ) 63. The Ring 2
(x) 64. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(x) 65. Practical Magic
(x) 66. Chicago
( ) 67. Ghost Ship
(x) 68. From Hell
( ) 69. Team America: World Police
(x) 70. Hellboy
(x) 71. Secret Window
( ) 72. I Am Sam
(x) 73. The Whole Nine Yards
(x) 74. The Day After Tomorrow
( ) 75. Child's Play
( ) 76. Bride of Chucky
(x) 77. Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) 78. Just Married
(x) 79. Gothika
( ) 80. A Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) 81. Sixteen Candles
(x) 82. Bad Boys 2
( ) 83. Joy Ride
(x) 84. Se7en
(x) 85. Oceans Eleven.
(x) 86. Oceans Twelve
(x) 87. Identity
( ) 88. Lone Star
( ) 89. Bedazzled
(x) 90. Predator
( ) 91. Predator II
(x) 92. Independence Day
( ) 93. Cujo
( ) 94. A Bronx Tale
(x) 95. Darkness Falls
( ) 96. Christine
(x) 97. ET
( ) 98. Children of the Corn
( ) 99. My Boss' Daughter
( ) 100. Maid in Manhattan
( ) 101. Frailty
( ) 102. Best Bet
(x) 103. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) 104. She's All That
(x) 105. Calendar Girls
(x) 106. Sideways
(x) 107. Mars Attacks
(x) 108. Event Horizon
(x) 109. Ever After
(x) 110. Forrest Gump
( ) 112. Big Trouble in Little China
(x) 113. X-Men
(x) 114. X-Men 2
( ) 115. Jeepers Creepers
( ) 116. Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) 117. Catch Me If You Can
( ) 118. The Others
(x) 119. Freaky Friday
( ) 120. Reign of Fire
( ) 121. Man on Fire
(x) 122. Braveheart
(x) 123. Cruel Intentions
( ) 124. The Hot Chick
( ) 125. Swimfan
( ) 126. Miracle
( ) 127. Friday Night Lights
(x) 128. Old School
( ) 129. Ray
(x) 130. The Notebook
( ) 131. K-Pax
(x) 132. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) 133. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
(x) 134. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) 135. A Walk to Remember
(x) 136. Sweet Home Alabama
(x) 137. Moulin Rouge
( ) 138. Boogeyman
(x) 139. Hitch
( ) 140. Back Door Sluts 9
(x) 141. The Fifth Element
(x) 142. Star Wars episode I
(x) 143. Star Wars episode II
(x) 144. Star Wars episode IV
(x) 145. Star Wars episode V
(x) 146. Star Wars episode VI
( ) 147. Troop Beverly Hills
( ) 148. Swimming with Sharks
( ) 149. Trainspotting
( ) 150. People under the stairs
( ) 151. Blue Velvet
(x) 152. The Sound of Music
(x) 153. Parent Trap
( ) 154. The Burbs
( ) 155. SLC Punk
(x) 156. Meet Joe Black
( ) 157. Wild Girls
( ) 158. A Clockwork Orange
( ) 159. The Order
(x) 160. Spiderman
(x) 161. Spiderman 2
(x) 162. Amelie
(x) 163. Mean Girls
(x) 164. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
(x) 165. Shrek
(x) 166. Shrek 2
(x) 167. The Incredibles
(x) 168. Collateral
(x) 169. The Fast & The Furious
( ) 170. 2 Fast 2 Furious
(x) 171. Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
(x) 172. Closer
(x) 173. The Sixth Sense
(x) 174. Artificial intelligence
(x) 175. Love Actually
( ) 176. The Sweetest Thing
( ) 177. Shutter
( ) 178. Ella Enchanted
(x) 179. Princess diaries 1
( ) 180. Princess diaries 2
( ) 181. The Breakfast Club
( ) 182. October Sky
( ) 183. Remember the Titans
(x) 184. Titanic
( ) 185. Boondock Saints
( ) 186. American History X
(x) 187. Fight Club
( ) 188. Heavenly creatures
( ) 189. Stealing Beauty
( ) 190. Like Water For Chocolate
( ) 191. Powwow Highway
( ) 192. Secretary
( ) 193. But I'm A Cheerleader
( ) 194. I <3>Kung Fu Hustle
(x) 204. Sin City
(x) 205. Labyrinth
( ) 206. Much Ado About Nothing
( ) 207. The Cowboy Way
( ) 208. Paulie
( ) 209. Blazing Saddles
( ) 210. Galaxy Quest
( ) 211. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
( ) 212. Citizen Kane
( ) 213. You Can Count on Me
( ) 214. Young Frankenstein
(x) 215. Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) 216. Starman
( ) 217. St. Elmos Fire
(x) 218. Coyote Ugly
( ) 219. The Other Sister
(x) 220. Rainman
( ) 221. Little Shop of Horrors
( ) 222. Chasing Amy
( ) 223. House of Sand and Fog
( ) 224. Mildred Pierce
( ) 225. The Big Lebowski
( ) 226. Mallrats
(x) 227. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
( ) 228. The Goonies
(x) 229. Starsky & Hutch
(x) 230. Saved!
( ) 231. The Upside of Anger
( ) 232. Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song
( ) 233. The Cat's Meow
( ) 234. The Rutles
( ) 235. Waking Ned Devine
(x) 236. Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) 237. Little Women
(x) 238. Huck Finn
( ) 239. National Treasure
(x) 240. Oh Brother Where Art Thou?
( ) 241. Dick
( ) 242. Howard the Duck
(x) 243. Garden State
( ) 244. Hero
( ) 245. Spinal Tap
(x) 246. Almost Famous
( ) 247. Before Sunrise
( ) 248. Before Sunset
(x) 249. Troy
( ) 250. Gone With The Wind
(x) 251. Chocolat
( ) 252. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
(x) 253. Now and Then
(x) 254. Romeo and Juliet
(x) 255. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
(x) 256. Grease
( ) 257. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
( ) 258. Mr. North
( ) 259. The African Queen
(x) 260. The Wizard of Oz
( ) 261. Country Girl
( ) 262. The Philadelphia Story
( ) 263. Bringing Up Baby
(x) 264. The Aviator
( ) 265. An Affair to Remember
( ) 266. Sabrina (old version)
( ) 267. Holiday
(x) 268. Conspiracy Theory
( ) 269. Stage Door
( ) 270. Rigaletto
( ) 271. White Christmas
(x) 272. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
(x) 273. The Wedding Planner
( ) 274. Arsenic and Old Lace
( ) 275. A Day at the Races
(x) 276. Willy Wonka
(x) 277. Bend it Like Beckham
(x) 279. A Beautiful Mind
( ) 280. Urban Legend
(x) 281. The Dead Poet's Society
(x) 282. Kill Bill vol. 1
(x) 283. Kill Bill vol. 2
(x) 284. The Royal Tenenbaums
(x) 285. The Life Aquatic
(x) 286. American Beauty
(x) 287. The Shawshank Redemption
(x) 288. Memento
(x) 289. The Phantom of the Opera
(x) 290. Dirty Dancing
( ) 291. Corrina, Corrina
( ) 292. How to Deal
(x) 293. Simply Irresistable
(x) 294. Charlie's Angels
( ) 295. Weird Science
(x) 296. Aladdin
(x) 297. Traffic
( ) 298. Below
(x) 299. Kingdom of Heaven
( ) 300. Pride and Prejudice
( ) 301. The Calcium Kid
( ) 302. Stand by Me
( ) 303. Legend
(x) 304. Matrix
( ) 305. Romper Stomper
(x) 306. Hidalgo
( ) 307. My own private Idaho
( ) 308. Essex Boy
( ) 309. Taxi
(x) 310. Terminator
(x) 311. Terminator 2 Judgment Day
(x) 312. Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
( ) 313. Hackers
(x) 14. The Princess Bride
( ) 315. Newsies
( ) 316. Wimbledon
( ) 317. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
( ) 318. Flight of the Pheonix
( ) 319. NAUSICAA
( ) 320. Second Hand Lions
( ) 321. Hotel Rwanda
(x) 322. Life As A House
(x) 323. Beauty and the Beast
( ) 324. Ned Kelly
( ) 325. Holes
(x) 326. SpaceBalls
(x) 327. Bring it on
(x) 328. Twister
( ) 329. Shall we Dance
( ) 330. Singing in the Rain
(x) 331. Gladiator
(x) 332. Center Stage
(x) 333. Vanilla Sky
(x 334. Pulp Fiction
( ) 335. Kate & Leopold
( ) 336. The Pillow Book
(x) 337. Bridget Jones's Diary
(x) 338. Clueless
( ) 339. Dogs In Space
(x) 340. Dogma
( ) 341. Run Lola Run
( ) 342. Detroit Rock City
( ) 343. O
(x) 344. Toy Story
(x) 345. Toy Story 2
( ) 346. Wicker Park
(x) 347. The Forgotten
(x) 348. The Mummy
(x) 349. The Mummy Returns
(x) 350. Death To Smoochie
(x) 351. Bridget Jones's Diary 2: The Edge Of Reason
( ) 352. School Ties
(x) 353. The Score
( ) 354. The Italian Job (either one)
( ) 355. Mean Creek
(x) 356. The Patriot
( ) 357. The Langoliers
( ) 358. Sid and Nancy
(x) 359. Shaun of the Dead
( ) 360. A Tale of Two Sisters
( ) 361. Lost and Delirious
( ) 362. Empire Records
( ) 363. Ginger Snaps
( ) 364. Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
( ) 365. Eve's Bayou
( ) 366. Requiem For a Dream
( ) 367. Eraserhead
(x) 368. The Virgin Suicides
( ) 369. Sweet Sixteen
( ) 370. All About Eve
(x) 371. That Thing You Do!
( ) 372. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
( ) 373. I'm Gonna Get You Sucka
( ) 374. Stripes
(x) 375. The Truman Show
( ) 377. Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) 378. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
(x) 379. Van Wilder
(x) 380. From Dusk Till Dawn
( ) 381. Velvet Goldmine
( ) 382. Earth Girls Are Easy
( ) 383. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
( ) 384. All Dogs Go To Heaven
( ) 385. Madagascar
( ) 386. Sorority Boys
( ) 387. A Christmas Story
( ) 388. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
( ) 389. Little Giants
(x) 390. Crash
( ) 391. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
( ) 392. The Lady Vanishes
( ) 393. Touch of Evil
( ) 394. The Final Countdown
( ) 395. Tora Tora Tora
( ) 396. The Longest Day
( ) 397. Lady Hawke
(x) 398. A Bug's Life
( ) 399. Amityville Horror (any version)
( ) 400. The Jacket
( ) 401. The Pacifier
() 402. Johnny Dangerously.
( ) 403. The Legend of 1900
( ) 404. Ridicule
( ) 405. Roman Holiday
( ) 406. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
(x) 407. Heat
(x) 408. The Girl Next Door
(x) 409. Girl Interrupted
(x) 410. Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein”
(x) 411. The God Father (1st one)
(x) 412. Jurassic Park
(x) 413. The Abyss
(x) 414. Back to the Future (1st One)
(x) 415. Saving Private Ryan
(x) 416. Jerry Maguire

Whew, there you have it!

Edit~ Seriously, if you think I'm bad, Derek has seen 62% of these movies!!! Director in the making? I think so.

The Scapegoat

2005-07-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

There is something that has been nagging at the back of my mind for the past little while, and I think I've just put my finger on it. Before I tell you what it is, I need to disclaimer this by saying that I am a huge part of what's bugging me about this, and my ranting about it is by no means excusing myself from bearing the majority of the responsibility for this. Ok the legal department is giving me the thumbs up, so I can continue.

The word BUSY.

I am SICK of it. I'm so sick of it. It is tossed around casually, and covers all manner of sins. It is the world's biggest scapegoat. A patsy for all the things that you don't want to do. When a friend you haven't seen for a while calls, and you don't call them back for two weeks, what do you say when you finally get around to dialing their number.

"Sorry it's been so long, I've just been so busy"

When you haven't done your dishes in 2 weeks, and your house smells like mouldy cheese and there are cobwebs above your bathroom mirror, how do you justify the mess?

"Wow, what a mess, I've just been so busy I haven't had time to clean"

When you realize that the "new" book you bought from Chapters is actually 6 months old, and you still haven't cracked the cover, what's your excuse for not reading it?

"Gee, I can't wait to read this, I've just been too busy"

BULL!

You've had time to see 6 movies, buy groceries, go to K-Days, lay around for a whole Sunday, read the new In Style magazine cover to cover, watch every episode of Mythbusters, and sit at Cafe Dabar for 3 hours, but you couldn't find 10 minutes to clean your bathroom? That's a load.

Ok, now before I get myself into trouble, I will say that I'm not advocating being a workaholic and running yourself ragged doing all of this stuff and spending 2 hours on the phone at a time trying to get back to everybody who calls, and stay up till 3 AM cleaning your house...I'm just saying let's be honest with ourselves. Let's not exchange the word "busy" for the word priority.
I will freely admit that it is more of a priority for me to watch movies and Mythbuster's with Derek than it is to be sure my dishes are done everyday. I would rather be reading In Style than a novel (sometimes) and I don't like spending time trying to plan out my weeks on the phone, who I will see when, and what night I may be able to scrounge for myself, however, I am not too busy to do this stuff.

I guess I'm just sick of hearing "busy" in place of "don't want too". I'm too busy to email - No, you don't want too. I'm too busy to clean - No, it's not at the top of your list. I've been to busy too call you back - No, you put something in priority sequence above making that call.
Let's just call it what it is. Myself included. I need to have a little better priorities when it comes to dealing with people. The cleaning and reading, not such a big deal, but when it comes to not returning phone calls and emails, I need to smarten up and value people a little bie more. I don't always remember that sometimes the 5 minutes it takes to phone someone back or shoot them an email might strengthen a bond, or make someone's day, I know it makes mine. And if I can't see them that week due to other priorities, well then maybe next week. At least I'll have taken the time.

So here is my soemn plea, as much to myself as to others; Let's stop using busy as an excuse for our likes, dislikes, and other priorities. Call it what it is, and do it with love.
Ok Done now.

A Good Old Fashioned Bad Day

2005-07-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

So you know when a day is already bad before it even starts, because of the way you feel, not because of any of the events, and you go to work hoping beyond hope that the events will help to improve your mood, but it's just not in the cards for you and everything goes wrong on top of your already slightly sour disposition? Yeah that's today.
I had a small freak out in the car yesterday over all the things that must be done before I move, and even more about all the people I want to see and the lack of weekends that I have available. I am so afraid that people are actually going to be MAD at me if I don't get a chance to do everything we have breifly discussed doing before I leave. And as much as I want to do all of this stuff, I have neither the money nor the drive to fit it all in. Don't get me wrong, I want to go for coffee, but a camping trip is probably out, and mostly I just want to go to sleep. I have an inkling that "d'ya wanna help me pack?" Is not going to be as fun as "West Edmonton Mall Waterpark".
I am training somebody at work who just can't seem to catch on. First of all patience is NOT my strong suit, but I have aquitted myself of that flaw admirably (at least the first four times that I repeat myself) however, even Mother Theresa would be ready to open a can of Whoopass on this girl. Her voice has no volume but loud, 90% of her questions I have already answered, she has taken all my work and is doing it wrong, and doesn't understand when I try to help her correct it. And now my boss wants to bring in another person for me to train, while I will be taking on a whole new job for a week while Lisa is away. This is not feasible, and I told him so, and he replied "That was a pretty lame-ass excuse" (I'm pretty sure he was joking...but still) So I turned my back and walked out of his office, biting back the tears that I know were not necessary.
I was talking to Amanda about difference kinds of worry, and some are blatant outright crisis forms where there's lots to talk about and decide. And others are silent forms, where you know you can't change anything, and you just have to plod ahead, but the churning of your stomach belies to calm of your exterior.
Well I'm putting my lack of calm out there, my fears of rejection from the friends that I love, my trials about work, and I hope to not be labelled a complainer or whiny or anything....oh wait....too late! ;-) Sorry for those who get that, cheap shot, but it was begging to be taken!

ARGH and it just keeps getting worse!!!! 3 hours...I can do 3 hours.

Thoughts On Drama

2005-07-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

First of all, Big Thanks to all those who shared their secrets - made me feel like I was in good company. You are awesome. Feel free to keep sharing them!
I've been thinking about addictions of late. Not your well documented alcohol or cigarettes or any of the hardcore scariness. I've actually been considering the possibility of a drama addiction. Now by drama I don't mean prancing around in Robin Hood tights, crying for Juliet and craving the stage lights. I'm talking about life drama, trauma, bad circumstance, Lemony Snickett's Unfortunate Events.
Is it possible to be addicted to upheaval?
I know the typical definition of a drama queen (I should, I've been hosting the luncheons for years) these are people who turn mild crises into catastrophies by their attitude and actions alone. However I think there are people who sit on the other side of this coin. The drama addicts. People who have had so many negative circumstances that they become addicted to the hardship of their lives. It is a slippery slope. Do not get me wrong, these people are not the same as the compassion-mongers that search for things to complain about in order to receive sympathy from friends and family, this is worse. Drama addicts actually THRIVE on the hardships in their lives. They use their negative experiences as a rush, a fix, an event to be anticipated, a problem to live through. The drama becomes the driving principle behind their exsistance, and without it they are lost. I know I've wished before that I would break my arm just to shake up my routine, to face the challenge, to do things one-handed and see what would change in my life. The pain would be worth it to me in that circumstance. However, that is not what drives me to get up everyday. There is a fine line between wishing for these things and causing them to happen. Anybody ever thought about steering their car off the road just to see what would happen? I'm not talking about suicide, just the trauma of the accident that would be such a rush. The incident that would shake things up, get the adrenaline moving, cause others around to take notice. What would change? How would people react? How would you react? It opens up a plethera of questions that were non-existant without that one incident. The anarchy of that one moment changes everything. Hmmm....
I guess I have no actual point, just wondering if anybody else has ever thought about these things before.
Just to disclaimer, these thoughts don't come from any scary source, they are just thoughts, I don't want any Help-Line numbers, I'm just diving into the psyche, not falling off the edge - so don't worry.

My Radio Confessions

2005-07-14T10:20:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'm doing my own personal post secret post - but I'm being brave because it's not annonymous. I have an addiction....to calling the radio. I listen to the morning show on the Bear. Each morning they bring up a topic for discussion and I am ADDICTED to calling and getting my opinion in there. This morning it was golf, so I phoned in and whined about the golf channel, earlier this week it was Guys Night Out...I just can't resist!! Not only that, but I call in and place my requests to three different stations at a time, and most of the time I don't even hear the songs being played!! There's just something that thrills me about calling and actually talking to the person that is broadcasting over the whole city. Call me dramatic or star-struck, but I love it. Maybe they need a Radio-phoner's Anonymous for me to join....I can hear it now...

"If you're going to dial, dial your sponsor, we'll talk to you about current events."

"Just buy the CD, there's no need to request, you'll just get hurt when they don't play your song!"

This past winter I called into the Bear and Derek and we actually got invited by the DJ to the studio, provided we brought him a Tim's on the way, so we went and he actually let us come into the studio and listen to him broadcast - it was such a neat experience!!! Just fed the fire.
Ok, so there's my dirty little secret. Catharsis complete. No need to judge me. Really. Now I want everyone to leave a secret as a comment just so I don't feel so bad. I shared, I need some retribution of the best kind here. Must...feel...sane...again....

Moving Trucks and Mythbusters

2005-07-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

It's so intriguing to me that all the deep thoughts and philosophical musings in the world don't actually change the course of my life. I am moving in 6 weeks. I am packing up and leaving the only province that I have called my home for the past 16 years, and Kant's view on Metaphysics doesn't change that one bit.

The part of me that LOVES Vancouver is SO stoked! The part of me that is loyal to King Ralph (no scathing comments please) is really bummed, and the part (or ALL) of me that loves Derek is not looking forward to our separation. I know, I know, we have it easy comparitively. I'm not disputing that, I'm just sayin....

It just gets me, you know? All my friends, everything that we've set up, all that I've built will be 1200 km's away. Blogging will be the major form of my communication, which means I will probably have no friends soon enough, because I will offend them all with through the innadequacies of e-communication. *sigh* eveybody feel sorry for me! Just kidding.
You're probably all sick of hearing moving talk, but it's the major event at the front of my brain lately.

I don't have anything incredibly philosophical or smart to say today (do I ever?) except that Mythbusters is the funnest show on TV!!! I have become an overnight addict. Exploding Tattoo's, Velocity of frozen vs. thawed chickens, exploding tiolets, it hilarity meets paranoia at it's best. A nice change to the unending slough of decorating, trading spaces, homes, spouses, kidneys, Who wants to Marry a Millionaires great aunt CRAP that's been tainting the TV guide lately. And I don't even have CABLE!

Psuedo-Science to the rescue!

REacting

2005-07-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

This whole topic of acting in love has been swirling around our little blog ring lately, and I must say it has caused me some serious thought over the past few days about RE-acting as well. I am a very reactive person, as those of you who know me are well aware. I tend to spit out the first few words that come into my mouth with semi-reckless abandon, only to painfully analyze them later and realize that my words could have been construed as very hurtful, if taken in a certain context. I have been blessed, fortunately, with friends who seldom take my words to heart in a critical fashion, and love me anyways, even when they do. However this new emphasis on REACTING has created a new pensiveness, resulting in a delayed response time, and it may be a good thing.

There have been a number of comments posted (albeit, not on my personal blog) that have evoked a powerful desire in me to respond quickly and abrasively, to back up a point, or a friend's point. And yet something has stopped me. Generally I try to write a short concise response to someone who gets my back up, to make them think about what they have said in a different context, with an ultimately higher perspective (sarcasm alert). Usually these short and concise responses are full of biting sarcasm, pious advice, or at the very least sharp meaning. This is what I've been battling against.

This revelation was a process of discovery. The thing that got the ball rolling was that, in a haze of biting sarcasm-y goodness I found myself unwilling to sign my name on the bottom of my witty literary masterpiece. That immediately caused a pang of uncertainty about the quality of said comment. Why would I be unwilling to take responsibility for this beautific response? Was it because I wanted my statement to be read by unbiaised eyes? (This would be the easiest thing to tell myself) No, something told me I wasn't 100% comfortable with what I was saying, or maybe how I was saying it. I realized that I wasn't ready to take the heat of the debate that had the potential to spring from my necessary point. I realized that I wasn't prepared to be hurt in the process of this potential conversation. I realized that I was not writing any of this with love at the front of my cerebrum, or my heart for that matter.

I know so far this sounds like a lot of emotional crap, but it really resonated with me that I had the power to start a volley of e-critisims, cleverly disguised as short concise responses, and I was afraid to use it.

In retrospect, though the motive behind my lack of comment was fear (of being held responsible, of being burned at the stake, of hurting someone) I was glad I didn't seize the opportunity and held my literary monster in check. When I stripped my comments to the bare bones, it was NOT a necessary perspective full of love, but an angry desire to prove someone wrong, spewed out of pure frustration at what I deemed to be unfair. How could I be so blind? How could I presume to understand the thread of our conversations on love when I was so eager to punch back? I would only be exacerbating the problem by doing that which angered me in the first place. Retaliation much? Smooth Rach.

I admit I have been agitated with blogging of late, as the intensity meter has skyrocketed, and I am waiting in dread for the day that a criticism shows up in comment form, coldly disguised as a short concise response to my ramblings, and I shall be reduced to tears over the unfairness of it all.... I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop this, as I have consented to share my thoughts in a public forum. However, I am deciding to try and comment with grace, and most importantly love, from now on. Aside from the occasional well timed e-joke (who can resist?) I will attempt to impliment the proverbial Golden Rule in my comments, and treat others with the respect and love that I crave in return. Good luck to me. I suppose I have my work cut out for me, attempting to tone down my literary genious (haha) but as a wise man always told me, "It's a tough job...but somebody's gotta do it!" Love you dad!

News... and a little Kant

2005-07-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

My Mom and Dad left this morning and I feel tired and empty. Part of the tiredness was the busy weekend, long wedding, and lack of sleep, and part is thinking about the future. I have set a last day of August 12, tentatively. That means I have 6 more weeks left of work, and 8 weeks until I move. 8 weeks. Then Derek and I will be separated for a month or two while he stays to make some more money before joining me out at the coast. I am not looking forward to that. I have already decided that I will be getting a serving job and working like a mad woman for those weeks, hopefully making enough to pay my debts and get a place of my own before starting school. This just seems like such a monstrous task, and yet I have the time that I need to pack and prepare, I will have two solid weeks off work before I go, and my mom is coming back the last week of August to help me prepare and stay sane.

My dad left "A Generous Orthodoxy" for me to read, and I gave him my copy of "The Poisonwood Bible" for his birthday. I hadn't finished it yet, but I was on hiatus from it, so now I will just have to buy a new one and get back into it. I made the mistake of going into the philosophy section of Chapters on the weekend (I had no choice - I was picking out a gift for Derek) and began to drool all over all the pretty books. Fortunately no one caught me, so I didn't have to pay for all the drool covered books. I wanted to buy Keirkegard, Nietchze, Emerson, and so many more.... Even though whenever I read them, I feel like an idiot because I have to have my "Pocket Dictionary of Theological Terms" right by my side and even my crappy Webster's dictionary is put to hardcore use.

I was reading "Prologemma on the Future of Metaphysics" by Kant. I LOVE some of his ideas. I mean, I don't know what to think about them, but I love them. The idea that everything we know, all of our scientific theories and mathematical and physical facts that have been determined are only absolute under the parameters of what our minds can grasp, is such a fascinating concept to me. The way we measure time in minutes and seconds is a condition of our limited mental capacity and not necessarily the way that time actually passes. Some minutes are longer or shorter, but when limited by the necessity of our minds to quantify and measure our existence, they are actually all the same length of time. So which is more important? The actual feeling of how long each minute takes, experientially? Or the quantifiable 60 seconds that we know a minute "really" takes? Which takes precedence? It seems only when faced with crisis or exceptional circumstances can our mind move beside the physical parameters that we place upon our existence..... Ok now I'm rambling....Sorry.

Catching Up

2005-06-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

So my parents are coming today, and I have to admit, I'm like a kid at Christmas. I am SO excited. I think they are getting here at about 4:30 and stopping by my office. The thing that makes me even more excited is that Derek is also very excited to see them. Now, I already knew that there was mutual adoration between him and my parents (I think I've actually been bumped to the outer ring since they've practically adopted him) but he is really looking forward to seeing them. This makes my heart sing. I don't think I could stand it if there was animosity, dislike, or dissaproval on any side of the equation. We are going out for dinner tonight, and there will be the momentous "merging of the families" as both sets of parents will go out for dinner on Sunday night for his birthday. Many prayers please....just kidding, it should be great!

So Mackenzie got baptised, and I must say I was surprised yet again by the enthusiasm that can be so contagious even within a group of 12 people. We clapped and cheered as he came out of the water and reigned down smiles abundant on him as we encouraged and congratulated him. It was great, because although there was music and worship and painting and speaking, the real focal point for me was celebrating Mackenzie. Which was good, because whenever Chuck and I play together we seem to bring the curse of have an amazing practice and losing the fire in the actual worship. I don't know if it's nerves, or just the fact that muscians tend to be spontaneous people who have bursts of passion, and that comes and goes during our practice, but we gotta shake the curse! Despite the fact that it's not a show, it's still frustrating to hear yourselves losing momentum. Either way, it was a blast to play together again, and incorporate some new instruments and styles into the mix. It was also really nice to finally meet the famous Paul Seburn, who's blog you can get to via Chuck, Matt or Erika's blogs.

As for the surprise party (Matt's book launch hoax) it went fairly well. I will never again use such a viable excuse because I had more than one person actually dissapointed in the lack of book launch party, and one who actually got upset with me. Which, when you've put a lot of work into a party, doesn't help the stress level. But either way, everyone seemed to have a good time, other than a few tense moments of family poker, however the situation was resolved before it came to blows, and I was able to come back inside from my hideout on the porch. I was surprised that we actually fit 12-15 people in my small basement suite without to much chlosterphobia or panicking. HUGE AMOUNTS of Gratitude to Erika, without who's help I would still be fighting the straightjacket. But Derek had fun and that's the most important thing.
So anyways it's done, and my house is cleaner than it has been since I moved in (I LOVE you Erika) and now I get to start thinking about moving. But not this week. This week it's family. And Grace. I'm still thinking about Grace.

Grace in the church. Grace in the office. Grace at the poker table. Grace when dealing with the waiter who gets my order wrong 3 times. Grace when the photocopier breaks. Grace when somebody makes me feel 3 inches tall. Grace when nobody understands my point. Grace when it hurts. Grace when it doesn't. Grace.

Relating

2005-06-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

It's raining again.

I'm stuck at Cafe Dabar (I walked) waiting for the rain to subside, feeling rather reflective. I'm taking a break from the crossword that Erika and I have been cheating on because I've hit an impass. Maybe I will have some insight after some bloggy goodness.

I spent some time at post secret today catching up on this week's secrets and I read one that really resonated with me. Here it is:

***Sometimes I wonder if I have a mental illness, but I don't want to tell anybody because I am scared that my fears would be confirmed. So I don't tell people what is going on in my head, and I just pretend to be as normal as possible***

I wonder how common this thought is. This is directly tied into my thoughts on depression. I have definately been wrestling with this concept this past year, for a number of reasons. Partly due to blogging, I have come into contact with so many people who are SO unhappy. They write about the anti-depressants they are taking, and the doctors who don't listen, the family who doesn't understand, and the world in general that is against them. Each and every one of these people break my heart. And yet, something with in my psyche links my experience with theirs, though on a completely different level. I wonder if depression, or perhaps unhappiness, is a product of indulgence or an actual physical reaction to stress or chemical imbalances and the like. I wonder if there is a solution that we can find within our wills if we search hard enough. I wonder if there is a difference between unhappiness and a lack of joy. For although my level of surface-y happiness has been considerably reduced this year, it has only been in the rare moments lacking joy that I have known true despair. And these, while often fleeting, are truly indescribeable.

I have come to know that the body physically reacts to stress and anxiety. I see more rashes, breakouts, and I get sick to my stomach. Emotionally I get tired, clingy, and panicky. And yet I wonder if it's a choice that I'm making to experience such things. Could I pull myself from this state when it washes over me? Or am I the victim of unchangeable circumstance? Causality.
I suppose the point in question that I am ever-so-slowly coming too is *Do we, as people of faith, have a choice in how we deal with our emotions? Are we given extra "something" that allows us to bypass these feelings?* On first thought I think no. Just as we are not immune to the common cold we are not immune to anxiety or unhappiness. However that response is based on the assumption that unhappiness or lack of joy is actually a sickness and not strictly a refusal of a gift given by Christ.

But I HAVE to believe it's a sickness because I can't bring myself to admit that having an emotional breakdown is the same as turning away the provisions of Christ. That's like telling somebody that they are dying of cancer because of a lack of faith, or because there is unconfessed sin in their lives. It's such a load of crap. I feel as though I have received the better end of the deal in this sense compared to the above blogging friends that I've met, because although I struggle with anxiety from time to time, it does not consume me. I can laugh, I can feel, I can be content. I have a boyfriend who loves me, gets me, and lets me call him late at night to say "hi, how are you, I'm lonely", a family that supports me and understands me, and friends who have encircled me with more care and compassion than I thought possible. I have no desire to turn my back on my faith, in fact, my desire to grow has only been building. These things make me think that although I resonate with the secret above, I am ok. Really, ok.

Maybe I'm just struggling with the immense number of people that are dealing with depression or emotional breakdowns in our world, and feel as though they are totally alone, when really, they are more of a majority than you would even believe. I'm slightly frustrated as I write this because my thoughts are not coming out nearly as eloquently as I would hope, and I can't seem to get my ideas in the proper form, without sounding like an ignorant judgemental fool. Psycho babble to the enth degree. Maybe I just really don't want to go to work tomorrow....

It's not raining anymore, but due to the intense scariness of the prowling drunk student with the roving eyes who just screamed [literally] his presence into Dabar, I shall wait for a ride instead of attempting to walk home alone. I hope my Mom is reading this, she'd be so proud!

Grace

2005-06-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that there is no room for grace in the church anymore. I have recently heard of yet another situation where the messenger has been the one to take the beating. It feels as though the house of God is becomming a house of closed doors, crossed arms and easy judgement. Maybe I'm just biased. If I was being totally honest right now, my level of desire to get involved in a church is pretty low. Slim to nil. My desire to have a loving caring community of friends and family who I spend time with often and grow with is still right up there, but add the word church in there and I want to turn my back.

This is not to say any of my beliefs have changed, or that my desire to grow and enrich myself spiritually and walk with God is any less. In fact, it is almost more, because I want to figure out why all this stuff is happening. Why is the institutionof the church hurting people? Why is the desire for a community so convoluted when we add church into it? Why am I hurting because of church?

*Big sigh*

These are questions that I don't even want to face most of the time. But it seems this is the prevalent issue for me right now. I don't really expect answers, and I don't expect most people to agree with my assessment. I know full well that I am biased by pain. However, this is my experience. It's where I'm at.
That's what a blog is for after all... isn't it?

Books...Even though I wasn't tagged.

2005-06-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

OK I didn't get tagged by anybody but I love stuff like this.

How Many Books Do I Own?
I would guess around 100 - 150

Last Books I Bought?
"The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver.
"Dracula" by Bram Stoker
I can't remember anymore.... that's lame!

Last Books I Read?
"The Da Vinci Code" Dan Brown - I found this one quite intriguing
"Dracula" Bram Stoker - I swear I could feel dracula watching as I read this one - an excellent read!
"Congo" Michael Crichton - An excellent researcher, I was astounded by his knowledge and impressed by his writing syle.

5 Books that Meant Alot to Me
1. Poetry From the Garden - A collection of Art and Poetry with Biblical conotations and inspirations.
2. A Little Princess - Fraces Hodgson Burnett. Call me an old-fashioned nerd, but a story of unfailing hope and triumph.
3. The Bean Trees - Barbara Kingsolver. One of my first "non-christian authored" novels that wasn't school curriculum. I fell in love with it.
4. Pocket Dictionary of Theological Terms - This meant that I could get through my first year of college, and understand Matt and Chuck.
5. My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers. Even though I don't agree with a bunch of what he says, it was a devotional that I could actually read each day, and it made me think and challenge my predestined ideas.

Honorable Mentions:
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis (At least what I've read so far)
Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkein. Two reasons - 1) I never thought I'd actually make it through this series. 2) It reminds me of my dad.
Bridget Jones' diary - Helen Feilding. It gave me a genuine laugh, now I can laugh like a British person!

OK This wasn't on the original thing... but it should have been.

5 Books on my Wish To Read list.
1: Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister - Gregory Maguire. It looks quite amusing!
2: A Generous Orthodoxy - can't remember who wrote it, but for obvious reasons, it's on the list.
3: Philosophy by Keirkegard (sp?) but I can't afford it right now.
4: The Memiors of Marcus Aurelious (I've started but haven't finished yet)
5: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - July ERIKA!!!! Less than a month!! Yes!

OK That was fun, even though I cheated and wasn't actually tagged (Thanks Matt, Thanks for not picking me) I will start my own. I tag Amanda, Erika and Maximus! (I couldn't think of any other girls, so HA!)

A Quiet Day

2005-06-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's raining. Bad for the allergies, but good for the soul I think. I like the rain because it always seems to allow me to have a quiet day. Everyone says it's gloomy, and I suppose it is, but I like the peaceful silence it brings, the grayness of it is calming to me. I like the rain.

The singing went fairly smooth, it's done, which also contributes to the quietness of my soul I'm sure. :-) Thanks Chuck and Erika, and of course Derek, for coming out and supporting me. I definately focused on that, Erika I LOVED watching you groove in the pew. But now it's done and I can relax until the next stretching experience comes my way.

So I sit, sniffling and rubbing my eyes, but it's worth it for the rain. I don't have anything philosophical today, it's my quiet day. I wasted all my philosophy and theology yesterday (and by wasted I mean enjoyed a lovely conversation over the burger with an egg). So instead of reading my long thoughts and drawn out conclusions, go listen to the rain, and have a quiet day.

It's necessary.

Saying No

2005-06-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

There are two things I have been asked to do lately. One I have committed to, and the other I have said no to. The first one is singing. I have been asked by my very good friend Shawna if I would mind filling in as a singer for their young adults group called "Commit". I have done this before and it's been fun and pretty relaxed, however this time we are doing the worship for a Sunday morning service at Southgate Alliance Church. This coming Sunday to be exact, and I am petrified. Am I scared because I don't think that I will sing well enough? Because I would rather be playing the piano since that's what I am good at? Because I don't know all the songs as well as I'd like? Yes, Yes, and Yes, but more to the point I am scared of Southgate.

Having attended this church from the age of 6 to the age of 18, you would think that I would be comfortable there. This is a complete untruth. Going to southgate without the backup of my parents, without knowing that my dad will be preaching from the platform is like entering enemy territory with a water gun. But the funny thing is, it's not enemy territory. The majority of the people there are genuinely interested in how I'm doing, and want to know what's been happening in my life. However, everytime I go in there (And yes I know this is something I project on myself) I feel like a washed up soap opera actor. Everybody waves and is polite (There are the select few that are not so polite, and stare a little, but mostly they're all really nice) , but it's like they all knew who I used to be, and are hanging onto that image for dear life. I am the last connection to my dad, and so they want to spend there few minutes asking me questions and making conversation because it reminds them of something good. I guess this is a good thing, but mostly I just want to be left alone. I was talking to Matt Thompson on Saturday night about struggling with feelings and dreams about being trapped, and I think that's how this makes me feel, and why it bothers me so much.

My time at Southgate was some of the best growing up I could imagine. I loved it there, I loved being a pastors daughter (especially of the best pastor EVER!! No offense Chuck and Matt, but he's my dad!!) I loved that everybody knew who I was (unless they didn't like something I was doing...then it got a little sketchy) but when I go there now, I just feel scared, crowded and impressed upon. I feel so exposed. I always try to do my makeup and hair different hoping that less people will recognize me. I think the most frustrating thing about this is that I don't understand it. These are NICE people, caring sweet people who are not judging me, who just want to know what's going on in my family, and catch a glimpse of a wonderful passed season at Southgate, but I panic. I don't get it.

So anyways, I am singing at Southgate on Sunday morning, facing my fear. The service is at 10:30am.

Now the thing that I did say no to...well I'm GOING to say no to:

I came home to a message on my answering machine regarding a wedding I am going to, that my parents are also making the trip for. It was asking me if I'd be willing to get some friends of the bride together and perform a skit or a joke musical at the wedding. In front of all the guests. And my parents. And the brides family. And the grooms family. Needless to say this is not going to happen. I think that my whole year would culminate in a complete breakdown and thorazine drip if I had to get up in front of a wedding full of people and beltout a joke musical, or a skit. To understand this request, you have to understand where it's coming from. I LOVE the bride, and I love her family, but this would just break me I think. Straight jacket, and padded room. Am I being unreasonable?

So I am striving to find the balance between saying no for legitamite reasons, and saying no out of fear. I generally hate saying no to anybody, but there are times when it becomes a necessary skill. I know there are times when I am not willing to be stretched by God, and say no because I am scared. I am trying to learn the best times to refuse and the best ways. It's all about motive....as my dad would say, and who am I to argue? He has a Master's!

ARGH!!!

2005-06-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

I hate this afternoon! I am not supposed to stress about what I cannot change, but seriously there is a line where stress just takes over! It si CRAZY here this afternoon! I like my Friday's to be nice and relaxed - no such luck. Everytime I think I have a handle on things three more things come up!! I am only taking the time to write this to keep me sane! SANITY! SAAAAANNNNITEEEEE!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My non-debate experience

2005-05-31T10:11:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, by no choice of my own, I was asked the question that belivers everywhere dread being asked. You all know what one I'm talking about...or at least one of the top five, including questions regarding The Trinity,The Literal Bible, Creation vs. Evolution, Heaven and Hell, and my own personal worst nightmare "If there's a God, why does He allow us to suffer?" The typical Why do bad things happen to good people conundrum. This time it had a bit of a different spin on it, for the friend who asked it is African, from Ethiopia and asked with great fervor, "If there is a God why does he favor North America and leave Africa to suffer, fighting wars and poverty?" with the added cherry of "And why is God a man, when the giver of life is woman?" I was, of course, seized with blind panic, knowing that any answer I gave off the top of my head would sound contrived and would be ineffective to answer his question. To top it off, he was looking for a debate, being very enthused at the idea of beating me at a debate.
This is something I have continually struggled with as a believer. I find that every single religious debate that I've ever been involved in, or overheard, is a lose-lose situation. Either it serves to alienate the person by the hardline and heated responses given in a moment of tension and passion, or neither person is able to make the other see their point, as they are both emotionally charged and breathing fire. Over the past few years I've contented myself to leave the debating to those who enjoy it as sport, and convieniently have to go to the bathroom every said debates spring up.
This, however, was different. I was faced with a choice. I am the only Christian in my office where these questions were being asked, there was no one to bale me out. I told my friend that probably no matter what answer I gave, he would not accept it, and also told him of my decision not to debate due to the futility of it. Surprisingly he agreed, and I breathed for the first time in 4 minutes (or so it felt). Now comes the choice. I was almost content to leave the conversation at that. He seemed satisfied in my response, and yet I knew that these questions would continue to fuel his frustration if they remained unadressed. I must say that I am sickened that after being a believer for so long I still face blind panic everytime I am faced with a tough question. I think though, in my defense, that some of this panic is generated from failed conversations in the past where I faced impossible debates, and came out looking like a snake taming fundamentalist. I said a quick prayer reminding God of the verse in Acts about receiving the necessary words at the necessary time, and spent the next 10 minutes writing out my response (I always feel more confident on paper) while trying to look like the dedicated employee that I'm not.
Here's what I said:
"My answer to your question has a few parts. First of all, please do not think that I haven't wrestled with those exact questions many times myself, and I can admit that I don't understand, and I get angry at God when I see people suffer as well, and it's ok to be angry.
Our relationship with God is similar to the relationship of a parent to a child. When we were created God was so in love with us that he placed us in a paradise, with everything we needed to survive, but like any parent He gave us the opportunity to choose our own path - for what are we, individually, without the freedom to choose. When we wanted to see what was beyond that paradise and gain knowledge to rival God's He allowed us that choice, but it also distanced us from Him in a way that caused us to experience pain and suffering. We gained knowledge that we were not designed to know (ex: the effect of the differences between gender) which is why we refer to God as a "Him" God is above gender, just as He is beyond time, but our minds do not have an understanding or a comprehension of that, thus God is referred to as the dominant gender of the time, which was "He"
As for the suffering of Africa I cannot say why they suffer so much political unrest, famine and poverty, but I can say that African people are blessed with some of the BEST personalities and genuine character traits that I have ever seen. And while they suffer famine and fight wars against poverty, we suffer depression, suicide and unthankfulness. Our nations God is every nations God and the suffering of one nation, though much more visible weighs on His heart as much.
I cannot answer the question of Why does God not smooth the unrest of Africa, or the middle east, or the blood thirst of the USA. I wish I knew how to tell you why we suffer. All I know is that we suffer either way, and I'd rather suffer for Him and with Him (or Her) than do it alone.
This response is not meant to convince you of anything, as you are certainly entitled to your own beliefs, but you asked me and it was important to me to take the time to give you my answer and what is behind it, whether it's acceptable or not.
Thanks"

OK, so I need your input, is there anything I missed? I was going completely on what God gave me in the moment that I needed it, but I am still a little unsure. He asked me when he took the response home with him if he could come back with an argument, and I said by all means, though I may not respond. All he said when I came in this morning was that the respsone "was deep" and that I should be a writer - YAY AFFIRMATION! :-)
So thoughts, commetns are welcome. Thank you for reading all of that. :-D

I am the Ocean

2005-05-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

I am a waverer.
My choices seldom mean anything, especially to me. They can be made as easily as clay is molded, and smashed down again when teh artist dislikes her work, or thinks of a better muse.
Change comes easy to me, it is my life. Constants are few and far between. I prefer the playful ocean to the majesty of the mountains.
Even the oceans need the mountains. They are codependant. Two units of a divine equation, relying on each other and despising each other in the same breath.
A wave.
A rock.
And they have lapsed into one another, bound together in cohesive beauty.

I am the ocean. Rioting and trashing the rocks, aching to change their tiresome stance, and craving their stalwart presence.
You are the mountains. Solid, Silent, unmoving. Your runoff gives me life, and yet you remain unmoved by my unrest. Your landslides are but a shaking off of loose skin, to make you look even more noble in your stillness.
I will never move you, nor can I alter you. And you will never stop me.
So we remain.

~Me

Limits

2005-05-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

*Thank you to all of you who support me with your comments and your phone calls and your love, I cannot tell you how much it means*

So they announced on the radio that Brad Pitt is coming to Edmonton to film a movie. This I already knew. Lets be serious - it's Brad Pitt - I make it my business to know. I'd like to think that you could measure a person by how they react to a celebrity, however knowing that I would fail this test miserably, I hope nobody actually does judge me on that fact. By the way, I'm planning a pilgrimage to every Starbucks that's close to the Hotel McDonald for a 2 month period while he is staying here..... just kidding. However, he is on my top five list, so I am allowed to look. Ask Derek, he'll confirm this.

****Subject Change

Part of my job is answering the phones, which I don't mind too much. There are always things that are frustrating when answering the phones at an office, such as people not telling you they're on vacation, or someone who puts their phone on do not disturb and gets lots of persistant callers who want to hold for them. However, on a given day I can handle most of these things. The thing that I can't handle is being a human caller ID. I hate lying. I hate lying for someone else even more than I hate lying for myself (I don't know what that says about me, but whatever). When somebody comes up to me and says "Rachel, if George Myarchnemesis phones, it is IMPERATIVE that you tell him that I'm not here, because he's my ex and I don't want to talk to him"

First of all I will forget their name AS SOON as you have finished saying it.
Second, I have a job to do, and it does not entail asking who every single caller that comes through our office is.
Third, you have a job to do, and part of it is picking up your phone. You don't want to deal with your personal life at work? Then don't give out your work number.
I realize that I sound pretty calloused (in lieu of another word) but there is only so much I can remember and the names of somebody's ex or that annoying sales guy is just not going to fit in my brain. The sermon on Sunday left me with a phrase. "I am limited, therefore I must live within my limits" I've decided that this is going to be one of them.
On that topic of limits, it's almost comforting to know that we are limited. We are not designed to achieve the unimaginable, that is for God. Once we can admit that we are limited it allows us to realize that He is limitLESS... and that is something. We spend so much time thinking that if we work harder or press on longer we will be able to conquer anything. It's not true, and I find solace in the fact that I can give those unfathomable cares to The One who is limitless, and has the ability to use that power without abusing it. Though it may not always fall into my frame of reference, and I don't understand the why's and especially the when's, I can fully trust in His power, because I am limited and He is not. Even if I wasn't ok with this, I wouldn't have much of a choice. So I embrace my limits, and bow down to His lack of.

Control

2005-05-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of introspection for me. (Fortunately my job does not require my full mental capacity so I am able to let my minder wander freely and work at the same time) I feel like I am greiving, and I don't know why. OR maybe I do. I wonder if what has happened over this past year has affected me in a way that I haven't fully realized. (Those of you that know me will know what I am referring to, since we have been through it together) I think sometimes that I have put it behind me enough to feel it only when I let it out of Pandora's box, and then it comes out full force, however I have learned to control when and where that happens, so it is manageable - or so I thought. I think that when I am tired, or saddened by something else, when my guard is down, the lock that I keep so tightly fastened on Pandora's box opens, and out come these terrible feelings of loss and grief, as though I am standing at a brick wall, pounding my fist against it, and when I turn around, another wall is already being raised while my back was turned.
I don't know how to deal with these feelings, or more importantly to separate them from other frustrations that may not require such a strong reaction. Derek and I have hit a brick wall with film school. Every bank that he has approached has told him that without a cosigner for this loan (which we do not have) he is out of luck. By no means are we giving up on this dream, however there is the sting of rejection each time we hit another roadblock. My dad and I were discussing it, and he called it "The testing of a dream" which I think is more true than we realize. I know that Derek stands to have a HUGE influence on people when he combines the skills that he will learn with the passion he has to reach people in a new way, and I think the bigger the potential for the right kind of influence, the more roadblocks we will hit, and the easier it will be to give up. So I pray for perserverance, guidance and a little bit of divine intervention as we process these roadblocks and continue working towards our goal. Tomorrow is the deadline for the deposit and we do not have it. So we trust, and ache.
I started out talking about feelings that I thought were controlled. They aren't. I don't think emotions of this nature can be harnessed in the way that I want them to be. If I have said or done anything out of anger or frustration that has been offensive to any of you, please, accept my sincerest apology. If I have been absent and unavailable, it is partially because of the time and energy that we are investing in this plan for the future, and partially because I have an almost overpowering desire to detatch myself from people, not only because they have the potential to hurt me, but I have a greater potential to hurt them, in my absence and brokeness of late. It is not for lack of love.
Rachel

Title Block

2005-05-18T00:13:00.000-07:00

Kinda like writers block, but only pertaining to titles.
Guess what? I'm not going to whine about weddings or showers or anything like that!! I may whine a little bit about my car which needs to get the front axle replaced, after just having the tail pipe replaced....geez one at a time.
I was reading Chuck's blog today and he was discussing the fire at the church on Friday that Jorgan and Leann were getting married in, and it just surprised me that I was about 2 blocks away from that church when the explosion when off, and I was wondering what happened, little did I know that Leann and friends were actually in that building...hmmm... coincidences are crazy.
So they say it's going to rain tonight, and it's not that I doubt the incredibly accurate weather people, but as I sit and look at the blue sky and fluffy clouds (slightly tainted by the fact that I'm inside the office) it's hard to see the rain.
It smelled so good outside yesterday evening. I was standing outside waiting to meet Lisa in front of my house just breathing in the smells of wet grass and moistened soil, and I just wanted to go away. I wanted to be camping and hiking and playing frisbee. Why is it that I feel like I need a vacation every couple weeks? I think it's because I want to accomplish so much and I do nothing when I work other than go home and "relax" (my personal favorite euphemism for being lazy). I suppose I will shake things up enough when we go to Vancouver.
Anyone else going to see Star Wars this weekend? We are actually putting aside our "have to be there opening night" compulsions and waiting until Sunday. I think the desire to not get mauled by a pretened Darth Maul is outweighing the desire to see it immediately. I mean, we get the jist of what's gonna happen. Anniken and Padme get married, Obi Wan Kenobe comes out of the closet and Yoda confesses that his mother was acutally a tree frog. Please resist the urge to correct all my mispellings, I realize it's an insult to the force but I have a boyfriend and plans every Friday night so I don't actually have time to check the official Star Wars dictionary on how to spell Jaba the Hut. (ouch where did that viciousness come from? I scare myself sometimes)
Derek and I watched "Closer" the other night. I have to say I was really impressed with the scripting and direction. The dialogue was very witty and it was't let down by the direction, they seemed go hand in hand. It definately leaves you thinking.
Must go...Lunch is nigh.

Making Ends Meat

2005-05-09T00:22:00.000-07:00

That's what I used to think was the correct meaning of the phrase "Making Ends Meet" I thought that Ends Meat was a way of saying that you have enough meat to feed your family. I didn't know who Ends was, or if maybe that was the hind end of the meat because that's all you could afford... but that's what I thought.

I am really beginning to panic about these weddings. Not the weddings themselves, but for every wedding there is at LEAST one shower, sometimes two. I have already been invited to two showers over the next couple weeks, and there is just NO possible way that I can make my paycheck stretch that far. I don't even want to go in with anybody, because my $5 contribution is not going to make any difference, except to embarass me to give it. Ahhh Pride.... I am still recovering from our trip to BC, with a little help from some wonderful people! ;-)
It doesn't seem like a big deal to the casual onlooker but it's really a rock and a hard place to me. These girls are my friends - I am SO excited for them and I WANT to celevrate with them, but I don't want to be the one showing up to the lingerie shower with a Wal-Mart thong that's been marked down 3 times, or with a candle from the dollar store. I also don't want to decline invitations because I can't seem to keep money in my bank account.

It's a very difficult thing to swallow your pride, show up with what you can afford, sit there and watch all the elaborate gifts pour in, and be comfortable knowing that you did what you could. I know this is a lot of what I am putting on myself, and it's probably a stupid thing to blog about, but it's what's on my mind, and you don't have to read it if it's boring. But still leave comments!!!!

Until the next crisis....

That kind of faith!

2005-05-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying we have experienced a MASSIVE answer to prayer. Derek has been accepted upon his FIRST interview to the film program at BCIT in Burnaby. He will start classes in November with his very own G4 Powerbook Mac laptop and a top of the line digital video camera as part of his tuition. We will be moving out there in the early fall, providing that the funding all comes through. If anybody has any knowledge of government grants or scholarships - please let us know. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I was reading in Acts chapter 3 about Peter healing the lame man. It really struck me, probably even more so than the miracles that Christ performed. (If that's not too blasphemous) It's partly because I fully realize Christ's divinity. I know that he had the power to heal and cast out demons. But mostly it was Peter's enormous faith that got me really thinking. If you read in verses 6 and 7 it describes how Peter strolled over to man and told him to get up in the name of Jesus, and he did. There was no doubting, no hesitation. It was as though Peter knew beyond a SHADOW of a DOUBT that this man would be healed by Christ's power through him. That got me to thinking, why can't I have this kind of faith? Did Peter have it because he had witnessed the power of Christ first hand? Or did he just go that deep, surrender that much, that there was no doubt. I started to wonder if I would even want to have God heal someone through me. What a media scandal that would be. Now I understand why Jesus said "alright you're all healed, but keep quiet about it would ya?" (Not in those exact terms of course) Either way, reading about Peters utter confidence in the power of his Lord and his vehemance in making sure the people knew that the power was not his was inspiring.

Derek and I went to Millwood's Pentecostal's Young Adult service last night. It was the first time we have gone to a service together in Edmonton since we have stopped attending Sol. I didn't expect it to be that hard. There was this lingering feeling that we were betraying something that we loved and turning our back on something that we had strived for. The worship was great. The band was really tight and yet their lack of contrived emotion was refreshing (especially in a Pentecostal church :-) no scathing comments please) The service focused on practicing consistant compassion without media motivation, and while it was not quite the meat and potatoes that we were looking for, it was presented in an open and direct manner, that was lacking a hidden agenda. We enjoyed the candor of the speaker, but still came away with mixed feelings. I think this is just part of our healing process.

Anyway I better post this before my boss gets back.

At Last!

2005-04-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

Guess What?! I'm not dead! Despite what the tabloids might be saying! I've just been really busy at work which is my only internet time.

Derek and I have been hermits this past month. We have had little or no desire to go out or do anything, compounded by the fact that we were both sick. However, with the spring sunshine has come new motivation to get back out there and live in the world again. We have been seeing our friends on a semi-regular basis and enjoying each other's company also.

Do you want to hear something disgusting? I have already received 2 wedding invitations in the mail and I think there are 2 more coming! Yuck! I mean Yay for weddings and true love yadee yadee yadah but do you know how many PRESENTS this means I have to buy? I don't even like buying toilet paper!!! Chac-ching! I think it's a conspiracy. All my friends just up and said "Lets break Rachel's bank....but how....? Eureka I've Got it!!! Let's get MARRIED!" And thus I am left with as much chicken or fish as I can handle, but no money. At least I'll be well fed.

Ok, thus endeth the bitter diatribe, I'm not actually bitter, and I'm even surprising myself that I'm actually looking forward to some of these weddings - they're just a little expensive for the no roomate-owns a car-pays rent-still needs to eat-kinda gal.

Ok, so I'm really taking time out of entering the orders I should be entering to type this and there is so much mroe to say, but alas I am still a semi-decent person and must return to work. PLUS the sooner I post this, the sooner you can leave comments YAY!

<3

One more day until....

2005-03-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

my BIRTHDAY! March 4 Baby - 22 with no prospects or direction!!! I'm am very excited! I'm always excited. Derek and I will be going out for dinner - of course - since my family doesn't live here anymore. I already went for dinner with my Aunt on Monday and she and my uncle ended up buying me - A LEATHER COAT! I know... who does that? that's AWESOME!! Well anyways, it's very nice (profuse apologies to any aminal activists that I might be offending) And today I am going out for lunch with a friend from work, and on Saturday I am having a PARTY! A full fledged party! It's on whyte ave, which is like party central in Edmonton. I am a little nervous because I am mixing a lot of groups of friends...but we're all adults right? Anyways, it should be fun!

In other new.... I don't want to talk about anything else because it's depressing, my life has been flipped around lately, but I am surviving *Cake's version of I Will Survive begins playing in the background.* Ok, That's all for now!

Happy March everyone! Cheers

Another Friday

2005-02-25T16:26:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's Friday and I have 4 minutes to kill before I can punch the clock and get the heckoutadodge so this will be short and sweet. I would just like to remind everyone (meaning the two people that read this) that my birthday is a week from today exactly, ahhh sweet 22, how I shall love thee, let me count the ways!

I am looking forward to some serious maxing and relaxing this weekend! (Also some serious dish-doing and tidying) Maybe I will even get a movie or six in there somewhere!

Ok 4 mintues are up (I know, slow typer) YAY! Happy Weekend.
Cheers!
Rach

ALBERTA ROCKS - LONG WEEKEND

2005-02-18T00:03:00.000-08:00

Whew! Ok, so today feels like the longest day ever (right up there with yesterday anyway) I don't know what happened, the first part of the week felt really short, but now.... YUCK. Maybe it's because it's a long weekend for me this weekend (Out of all of Canada, Alberta is the only province that gets this holiday!) and I am going to Calgary with Lisa tonight to visit Ashley and my brother and Heather! V. Exciting, but it always makes Friday go so SLOW. So I have been working with the company I am with for 3 months as for today, and it's looking like they might hire me on from the temp agency so I'd actually be on salary!! It's been a long time since that happened!!!
Today is also D and my 7 month anniversary! YAY. Not that we are making a big deal of it or anything, we went out for a nice dinner for our 6 month and we will do something at a year, but 7 months is just a ncie day along the road.
So there have been some problems at my church, the Sol Cafe. Since our pastor resigned we have all reacted to the change in various ways that don't always jive together. It just feels like there is drama everytime you come home, and Sol Cafe is home. It's scary.
Also, D's grandpa has been diagnosed with an in-operable brain tumor that is growing at an alarming rate, and they are not expecting him to be around too much longer. It's so sad, because I've gotten to know him and he is such a unique person, it hurts to see him struggling with his memory and lapsing into agressive behavior, it's so not becomming of him.
So there are the hurts in my life, but as always, I am surviving (especially since SURVIVOR started last night!) YAY for aiding the addiction! And D and I are growing closer to each other, and to God through the drama.
This weekend will be AWESOME to get away from it all, and spend some time being selfish and thinking about myself! Really, I like to be a selfish person from time to time, and focus on me - who doesn't right?
Well, you finally got a real update. I was dreading writing it because I would rather avoid talking about some of this stuff, but once it's out, it is definately a release!!
Ok, Happy family day to me, and haha to everyone else who doesn't get a holiday - suckers! LOL Feel the love.
Peace out.

Lent?

2005-01-31T00:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, so what's the scoop on lent? When does it start? How long does it last? Where did it originate? I was thinking about taking part this year, but I want some feedback first. (I will do my own research as well, of course.)

Thanks!
Rach

Here's the thing

2005-01-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

I am happy, enjoying my life, working, sleeping, dating, etc., but sometimes it feels like there is a sign on my forehead that says "Please, Ask me when I'm getting married" Well, I'll just clear it up right now... I'm not :-) Not in the near future anyhow. I am only 21, and D and I have been dating for 6 months we are just enjoying that landmark. I think mostly this repeating question is due to the fact that a couple of our friends just got engaged, and are beginning to plan their wedding. There are three engaged couples at Sol Cafe, and out of the gross population of about 35 -40 people, that is a lot. It just KEEPS coming up! BUt just to reiterate - not me, not now, not yet. Whew! Finished venting. Sorry.

In other news Matt and Heather are coming up to Edmonton next week, and have asked to stay with me. I am SO excited! I haven't seen them for a couple months, and usually when they come, they stay with Heather's family. YAY. Today I am just spending a bit of time at the internet cafe (see the link to Cafe Dabar) which doubles as the church on Sunday nights (see the link to Sol Cafe) Trying to catch up on a bit of online-time, since a guy from head office was visiting at work this week, I was not able to sneak as much time as I normally do in the slow minutes. Ah well, someday I will get the internet at home, someday!!

Tonight D and I are going to watch the cult classic "Army of Darkness" and I am considering bringing chinese... but I haven't decided yet, I'll bring something for sure. Tomorrow I am playing in the worship band for Sol Cafe, but I think it's very low-key tomorrow night.

Ok, must catch up on email.

Cheers!
Rach

New

2005-01-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

Ok! So I have opened this new blog, because my previous one at XANGA was not meeting my blogging needs. Apparantly you can only leave a comment if you have an Xanga account, which is lame when I want to hear from family and friends! So here I am, in large part to Matt, who has a blog here www.unhomed.blogspot.com be sure to visit it. So this is just an open letter to say Hello to all the people who won't read this because they don't know I exist here yet. Alright, now that's taken care of....